Category Archives: America’s Greatest Fun Facts

“Ha, that’s a good one.  Wait, what?  It’s not a joke?  Uh…”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

As a purveyor of American knowledge, as well as a site that uses an American flag in our banner, we try to keep things fairly non-controversial here.  You tend not to see open displays of bigotry (unless it’s against Russians, French, or those damn Scandinavians) because that simply is a very un-American way to live life.  Don’t get us wrong, we absolutely support blind judgment, but that blind judgment is best suited for people who act a certain way you don’t like.  So if you decide you aren’t going to drink alcohol, or aren’t going to eat meat, or want to “conserve the environment” we can tell you go to go hell with a lot of colorful invectives, and we’ll probably call you ugly for good measure.

But unfortunately, there are some people who mistake the word “America” for “America in the 1840s” and they tend to take confounding stances against an array of groups, like people from different religions, people of different sexual preference, people of different races, or people who have publically supported the use of those devilish “Cotton Gin” devices.

And normally, these groups can exist peacefully, because we are about as concerned about the views of these groups as we are about the cold sores our college exes have been getting since spring break.  Which is to say, we don’t care, it’s not our problem.  Unfortunately, while the STDs contracted by your former significant others tends not to be covered on the news (unless your ex was John Mayer, in which case, hi Jen and Jessica, we’re glad you found our site!) sometimes certain groups get covered in the news because they managed to Troll the national media into thinking that the American Public wants to see a balding white man talk about how evil Muslims are.  And that’s where we come in.

Seriously, dude looks like Gerald Ford after a botched lobotomy. 

So with that in mind, we here at AFFotD feel compelled to take David Caton, executive director of the Florida Family Association down a few pegs.  You might remember them as that group that protested a TV show about Muslims living in America because it didn’t show the Muslim-Americans being terroristy.  Which is sort of like protesting the show In Living Color because it didn’t feature enough professional basketball players.  David Caton knows so little about other ethnicities and religions that he doesn’t drink juice because he thinks it’s going to kill Jesus and charge him interest.

So while we promised ourselves that we’d take a break from insulting ugly people, we decided that receding hairline jokes are acceptable when they’re about bigots.  So get your battle lances ready, America, it’s time for…

AFFotD Discovers and Decimates the Character and Views of the Bigoted Florida Family Association

Pictured above:  David Caton imagining himself performing the physical act of love with another man.

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