“I’m not as officer as you drunk I am, vomit.”
We’ve been told that alcohol can be lethal when taken in large enough doses. We know, that sounds counter-intuitive, but bear with us. As everyone who has purchased a breathalyzer from Sharper Image for parties and making sad, sad nights by yourself more justifiable by saying you’re “doing research” can attest, when you get to a BAC of about .2, you’re going to stop remembering things. Knowing that, it makes slightly more sense that Wikipedia would list the side effects of a “>0.50 BAC” as “death.”
But this is America, goddamn it. You know there have to be supermen (and women! Don’t forget those ladies!) who can survive alcohol levels that can kill a rhino. And while the staff of AFFotD has never made the news for being busted with a lethal BAC, many Americans have, and we’re here to salute them. Sort of. Well, we’re going to salute them in the same way you salute someone trying to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Because, damn you guys, when we think you drank too much, you know you’re in trouble.
Nine of the Highest Blood Alcohol Levels of All Time
“Spicer Breeden! Ain’t got shit! On me!”
~Timothy James McGowan
We get a lot of flak from public interest groups about our relatively “lax” drunk driving standards (we may or may not have installed Breathalyzers in staff members’ cars that won’t let them start up unless they have a BAC higher than .05). We understand that it’s not a particularly popular subject for a lot of people, and we begrudgingly cede the point that our cartoon series, Billy the Buzzed Driver and his Bizarre Adventures, might glamorize drunk driving to children.
Slightly more controversial still would be our “Elmo’ll Getchya Drunk Variety Hour”
So we have to point out, getting drunk and then stepping behind the wheel is dangerous, and can harm or even kill not only yourself, but innocent strangers. That being said, when the worst case scenario doesn’t happen, we think we’re totally within our right to make fun of it in a “Holy shit, how drunk was that driver!?” sort of way.
Which brings us to Timothy James McGowan.
Hey look it’s Kevin Pollak’s younger brother
Posted in Drunk People
Tagged Alcohol, America, BAC, Barney, Burker King, Drunk Driving, Elmo, guitar solo, Kevin Pollak, San Francisco, The Simpsons, Timothy James Mcgowan, Volkswagen Beetle