“Uh, guys? We’ve got perfectly good booze right here…”
~Seriously, Bath Salts? The fuck?
In America, we agree with that Ferris Bueller quotation. “Life goes by pretty fast, if you don’t stop and alter your state of consciousness once and a while, you could miss it.” That’s why we have liquor, a magical liquid that warms your belly and makes it seven times more likely that your evening will end with you dancing on a bar in some state of undress. But sometimes, people of a certain white trash persuasion either don’t want to spend the money on booze, aren’t old enough to buy booze, or have such high tolerances that they need to inject themselves with the liquid inside of Magic 8 Balls just to feel something.
On the streets, they call it “Shootin’ Dome.”
Really, while you can easily find perfectly good liquor or questionably prescribed pain medications for you take enough of to forget your inevitable mortality, a lot of people of certain white trash persuasion are eagerly looking for items you can legally purchase that randomly will get you high or in an otherwise altered state. Much like the first man to eat a tomato when the world thought it was poisonous, adventurous white trash souls look around at random items they can purchase in a gas station or a Bed, Bath and Beyond and think to themselves, “Huh, I wonder what would happen if I smoked this.” See a string of carpet abandoned in a dumpster? Smoke it, maybe the glue will get high. See a vat of tar sitting by some road workers? Huff that shit, maybe you’ll see Jesus. Spot one of those house plants with the big leafs that look like elephant ears? Holy shit, do not eat that, you will die.
It is possible to do stupid things that can still be considered American. That’s why we are here to present you with…
The Strangest Ways Americans Get High (Legally)
DISCLAIMER: Some of the products listed below can have harmful, possibly fatal side effects. They are dangerous, damaging, and make you look cool. You know who else was cool? Elvis. And you know what happened to him? He DIED. He slept with hundreds of beautiful women and then he died. To be honest, we’re not the best at writing disclaimers.