“The only thing that can make beer even better is the knowledge that a living creature died so I can drink it.”
~American Beer Drinkers
Beer is wonderful. We love beer. You love beer. Everyone loves beer. Well, except for Sharon, but seriously, Sharon is the worst. Like, every time she opens her mouth, just, ugh. Sharon. Fuck Sharon. But horray beer (Horray beer!) As a nation, America spends an obscene-yet-appropriate amount of time, money, and effort into making new, exciting, and dangerously alcoholic beers for us to punish our livers with. If we spent the energy we exert on beer innovation on, say, space travel, we probably would have settled colonies on dozens of planets by now. But are planets delicious, refreshing, and able to get you absolutely trashed? No, of course they can’t, they’re just stupid hunks of rock. They’re practically the opposite of beer, so why should we give them the time of day? That’s right, we shouldn’t, we’ve got a new session beer to try. We’ve got our priorities straight, is what we’re trying to say.
Seeing as the beer brewing business favors the bold and encourages risk taking, as well as being largely stocked with red-blooded American heroes, it should come as no surprise that there are a dearth of beers that include honest-to-God animal parts in the brewing process. Because we like our beer like we like our women: swirling in a vat surrounded by chunks of creatures that once had a fully functioning nervous system. Um, wait. Let’s try that again…
Meatbeer: 12 Beers Brewed With Animal Meat
Posted in Beer!, Strange America, Strange Foods
Tagged America, Bacon beer, Bavarian Purity Law, beef heart, Beer, brewing beer, Brooklyn Brewery, burke in the bottle, cock ale, conwy brewery, David Burke, Dock Street Brewing company, earth eagle brewings, elephant poop, Goat brain beer, Goddamn It Japan You're Doing it Wrong, gruit, iceland, lamb beer, Meatbeer, pig head beer, Reinheitsgebot, right brain brewery, Rocky Mountain Oyster, rocky mountain oyster stout, Rogue Ale, Sam Adams, samuel adams, Sankt Gallen Brewery, smoked beer, strange beer, The Walking Dead, Un Kono Kuro, Uncommon Brewers, Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale, whale beer, Willimantic Brewing Company, Wynkoop Brewery
“Goddamn it, you’re right. I AM delicious.”
When someone goes up to you and asks, “What is the most American breakfast food imaginable” you’re never able to respond because your mouth is jammed full of delicious bacon. To say that America is obsessed with bacon is like saying that John Hinckley, Jr. only had a “small crush” on Jodie Foster. Whenever there’s a heart attack in America, the Bacon Council smiles wryly and adds a tally to a list somewhere. Hell, there’s a group about bacon as a religion on facebook. We love bacon because, unsurprisingly, America does bacon different and better than every other nation.
While bacon in itself is simply a cut of pork that’s been cured (usually in brine), many nations use “leaner” cuts of meat for their bacon, where America says “fuck it, what’s the fattiest part of a pig? The pig belly? Makes sense, let’s use that shit then.” This is why English or Canadian bacon is nothing more than a salty pork chop, while American bacon is a glorious piece of art streaked with more fat than a bar of soap made in Fight Club.
“I don’t know, I’m partial to crispy myself.”
And while bacon deserves its own Fun Fact, we here at AFFotD feel impelled to talk about a phenomenon more specifically American than bacon itself. We of course are referring to the American habit to make everything taste like bacon. It’s the greatest thing to happen to capitalism since factories. Every day, an executive says, “Let’s flavor this like bacon,” and when a subordinate asks, “why bacon?” he responds, “Because fuck you, you’re fired, bacon is delicious.”
It most certainly is. With that in mind, we’re here to present you with…
America’s Strangest (And Greatest) Bacon Flavored Products