Monthly Archives: September 2011

Posted in The Best of the Rest

Tagged America, Beards, Competitive Moustache Growing, Competitve Facial Hair

Wendy’s Presents America Fun Fact of the Day 9/19- Beef Jerky Potato Chips

Posted on September 19, 2011 | 1 comment

“We had a deal. One reference of Wendy’s delicious food for every reference of a strange, crazy American food. That was the deal. That’s what we paid you for. You don’t want the hose again, do you?”

~Wendy’s Executives

As we’ve discussed, in detail, previously, AFFotD sometimes has a tough time affording its excess alcohol and golden tennis racquets, and apparently the insurance company has stopped allowing us to put life insurance policies out on our Interns. So, turning to the corporate realm, we’ve recently received financial backing from Wendy’s, who will sponsor every America Fun Fact of the Day about glorious, American foods. Because nothing is more glorious than the Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy’s! Winter’s coming, so it’s time for you to bundle up and enjoy the original Spicy Chicken Sandwich. You can have it with a side bowl of chili, French fries, or a baked potatoes, the possibilities are endless!

(Please help us. Even their lawyers have guns. Some of us have families. Please. Do something.)

Wendy’s is on the forefront of culinary technology, as evident by their deliciously American Baconator burger, and now they’re here to tell you, erm, have us tell you about the latest high point in American snacking!

Beef Jerky Potato Chips! That’s not even sarcastic, we’re really excited about it. Sweet Jesus that sounds great. Erm, not as great as Wendy’s French Fries, now using all natural sea salt (Ugh. Shoot us now). But incredible nonetheless!

There is a God. And he’s clearly American.

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Posted in Wendy's Presents

Tagged America, Beef Jerky, Cherkees, Potato Chips, Wendy's, Wendy's Presents America Fun Fact of the Day

America Fun Fact of the Day 9/18- September 18th in American History

Posted on September 18, 2011 | Leave a comment

“So…very Sunday.”

~…AFFotD’s staff?

The weekend. It’s a time to fight off “sleep” with “alcohol” so you can “make questionable decisions” at the “expense of your long term health.” It also tends to “involve” using “excessive” “quotation marks around phrases.”

So it’s of course time for us to shake off the terrible, terrible hangovers afflict us on a day-to-day basis and present you…

Today’s Date in American History

Posted in Today in American History

Tagged America, George WAshington, New York Times, Old Faithful, Tiffany's, Today in American History

American Fun Fact of the Day 9/17- Saturday Image of the Week

Posted on September 17, 2011 | 2 comments

“Finally found this fucking picture.”

~Johnny Roosevelt

It’s Saturday, which means it’s another opportunity for us to forgo responsibility and post a picture instead of some sort of meaningful article about, we don’t know, isinglass. Fish swim bladders for booze. Holy shit we absolutely need to write about that now.

Anyway, here’s a man drowning in beer.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

2 Comments

Tagged America, Beer, Beerfest, Drowning in Beer, Isinglass, Saturday Image of the Week

Air Shows: Americanly Crazy, or Just American?

Posted on September 16, 2011 | 1 comment

“Shit yes I enjoy those things, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”

~Chuck Yeager

What does America like in its entertainment? Nudity? Well yes. But barring that, what else? Action? Adventure? The very real chance that you could watch someone straight up die before your very eyes? Goddamn right, this is America, we like our steaks heart-attacky, we want our bratwurst gummy-bear-y, and we prefer for our entertainment to be riddled with schadenfreude. With the recent Chicago Air and Water Show seeing 1.7 million people flock to it despite stormy conditions, then, it only makes sense that Air Shows have a special place in America’s heart.

Because even when wing walkers fall to their death we’ll still watch the shit out of them, making it the second bloodiest sport in America to get millions of excited spectators (next to football, of course). So that’s why we’re here to celebrate the pointless recklessness that is… Air Shows.

Tagged Air Shows, America, Blue Angels, explosions, KAPOWWWW BOOM MOTHERFUCKERS, Planes

Jelly Beans, America’s Substitute For Legumes

Posted on September 15, 2011 | 1 comment

“I like sugar. It reminds me of cocaine. And I like cocaine.”

~Mr. Rogers

Annoying songs from the 60’s aside, we at America Fun Fact of the Day do enjoy sugar (sugar). Though not so much the honey (honey). Candy is delicious, gives you a brief sugar high, and can be turned into a stripper’s name simply by replacing the letter “y” with an “I”. And one candy is a true American staple, created by the Civil War (seriously). That’s right, over-eager Americans who already clicked that link, today’s Fun Fact is about the incredible, edible, delicious, nutritious, neat treat: the Jelly Bean.

Posted in America's Best Foods

The Informative American’s Guide For Women in the Workplace (Originally Published February, 1952)

Posted on September 14, 2011 | 8 comments

“Misogyny? I told you, I’m not gonna eat any Jap food.”

~1950’s Boss

Being a woman working in an office in the 1950’s was like being a man working in an office in the bizarro-world 1950’s. That is to say, if you were a woman under the age of 30 working in an office setting in the 1950’s, you’d have to deal with more creepy old men licking your face than a bowl of hard candies in a nursing home. Times change for a reason, and one of the benefits of current America is that there’s a general sense of equality when you work here, unless you have a silly accent.

That’s why, as we were looking through our backlog of 1950s issues of The Informative American, we were shocked to see how far we’ve come in regards to women’s rights in the workplace. Our female staff members get to take advantage of all the debauchery that their male counterparts do, plus we’re LGBT friendly. But that’s because it’s 2011, if you’re not supporting equality in the workplace by now, West Virginia called and they want their massive debt back.

But things weren’t always that way, and to bring the point home of how much things have changed over the past 60 years, we’re going to post an Informative American article from the year 1952. The whiskey was just as strong, but the pomade was stronger, and people were still scared of music made by black people. So without further ado, it’s time to unleash the time capsule that is…

The Informative American’s Guide For Women in the Workplace (Originally Published February, 1952).

8 Comments

Posted in The Informative American

Tagged 1950s, America, Communism, The Informative American, Women in the Workplace

Timmy Roosevelt, Eight-Year Old American

Posted on September 13, 2011 | 1 comment

“I like Fire trucks.”

~Timmy Roosevelt

We’re sort of out of it today. Weekends blur together in the American tradition, because America knows how to come up with reasons to get wasted most every night, and eventually you let weekdays blur together to in the quest to reach the weekend. It’s America who came up with the notion of Thursdays “being the new Friday.” And it’s a truly great American notion- you don’t expect to do much work on Friday, so why not go out on Thursday to get plastered as well? Get more bang for your weekend buck? And then, Wednesday becomes the new Thursday which is the new Friday, and so on and so on.

So we…we treated Monday like the Friday it is. And if we had to rate days by how bad their hangovers are, Tuesday would be very high up on the list. We don’t often have guest columnists, and normally they’re not eight-year old boys.

Anyway, the guy who writes our intros just puked into his garbage can, so here’s Timmy Roosevelt, the eight-year old nephew of our editor-in-chief, Johnny Roosevelt.

Tagged America, Candy, Cars, Firetrucks, Knives, Letters from Timmy Roosevelt

Ridiculous Drugs That Were Once Medicine: Part 3

Posted on September 12, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Well if the cocaine and heroin doesn’t work, let’s take a step back and give you some booze.”

~Jesus, Doc, you’re gonna make me get all weepy here. You’re the best, man.

As we’ve stated on several occasions, medicine in the late 19^th century and early 20^th century was basically one extended game of “I bet you I can get this guy to stick this in his mouth.” And even then, mouth if you were lucky. American doctors back then treated the flu the same way European Immigrants treat a rave- they pop in some ecstasy cut with battery acid, put in a pacifier to stop them from grinding their teeth, and rub up against velvet walls for a while. Plus, everyone in the medicine field looked like this.

Don’t let that beautiful mustache fool you, this kid was twelve years old. He’s like an olde tyme Doogie Howser. Goddamn it this era was awesome. Doctors tried to fix people the same way blind people try to fix cars- with awkward groping and a surprising amount of jammed fingers. Medicine was just as insane, since even if you excluded all the straight up hard drugs, most medicine looked like it should be drunk from a paper bag by the homeless person on your bus.

In fact, most of it looks…well, looks like something you’d take to suddenly turn into to homeless person on a bus. Either way, we’re here to salute this phenomenon by showing you even more deliciously deadly medications from the late 19^thand early 20^th centuries.

We don’t know what any of those words mean, but we’re pretty sure it’s all Latin for “straight up poison.”

Posted in Drugs and Medicine

Tagged 19th century medicine, America, barbituates, Drugs, Drugs that were once medicine, poison, tonics

The 10th Anniversary of 9/11, and AFFotD rests for the day

Posted on September 11, 2011 | Leave a comment

“No quote today.”

No doubt you know what today is if you’ve turned on a TV, looked at a newspaper, or ever had human interaction with anyone in the history of ever. If you expected America Fun Fact of the Day to write a “fun fact” about the events of September 11th, you clearly have a fairly low opinion of our staff. It’s a somber day for reflection on a national tragedy, and we intend to treat it with the dignity that it deserves.

We’re not here to tell us where we were the day the towers fell. That is a personal moment for everyone, and everyone can choose with whom you wish, but we’re not here to force our own memories down your throat.

Instead, we just urge you to spend time with a loved one. Or spend time with yourself. You could contemplate the events and what they mean to you, or you can just treat the day like any other day. No one has the right to determine how you treat this day except for yourself. That’s the freedom this nation affords you, and we’ve learned that nothing can take that freedom away.

So we only ask that you appreciate this day for whatever you choose to make of it. We’ll be back tomorrow to make inappropriate jokes, but for now we’re going to take our own advice and just live the day.

(If you run into a “truther” going on about how it was an inside job, though? You totally should kick them in the groin. We’re just saying.)