Tag Archives: Rhode Island

The American States Of America: The Most American Qualities Of Every State (Part 3 of 10)

“Thank God they’re finally getting to New York on this list.  New York doesn’t get enough written about it.  New York is the most important city in the most important state in the most important country in the world, and they’d better give it it’s due.  Honestly, just knowing that AFFotD is going to write about the most American aspect of New York gives me chills, because I can’t fathom how they could limit it to JUST one thing!  New York is THE cultural hotbed of the nation.  If it weren’t for New York, we WOULDN’T HAVE ANY CULTURE!  I honestly don’t see why you’d live anywhere else.  Sure, some people might rag on us, say we come off as entitled and just because we pay a thousand dollars to live in a closet space in Manhattan doesn’t make us better than anyone else, but to them I’d say that if you can make it here, you can make it ANYWHERE.  And if you don’t like the New York attitude, you clearly just don’t like being a winner.  New York has the best food in the nation, it has the best theater in the nation, all the best TV shows and movies are filmed here, our women are more attractive than your women, our men are more successful than your men, our babies’ shit has a less unpleasant consistency than your babies’ shit, if you’re in New York you know it’s for a reason, and it’s because you’re the cream of the crop, the best America has to offer.  And I’m not talking about those mindless drones tittering around Central Park with their cameras and their Kansas City notions, I’m talking about REAL New Yorkers.  The Lawyers in Manhattan, the Graphic Designers in Brooklyn, the…well I don’t know anyone who lives in Queens, but I do know that you, right now, wish you were us, and I don’t blame you.  Oh man, I’m so excited to see what they pick out as the most American part of New York.  You have no idea.  It better not be the Statue of Liberty, because that’s just for fucking tourists.  Maybe it’ll be that our parties NEVER stop, I mean, we ARE the city that never sleeps after all.  Man.  So excited.  New York is the greatest.  I’m the greatest.  Yeah.  I’m so great.”

~A randomly surveyed New Yorker

america states of america

PART THREE

As you may have no doubt surmised, we’re diving head first into part three of our epic ten-part series, The American States of America, where we list the most American quality of each state, and you deflate a bit with disappointment when you read what we have to say about where you’re from.  As we list each state in order of when they were admitted to the union, this will mark the first of our series where we start talking about states that weren’t among the original 13 colonies.  We know, pretty wild stuff.  Anyway, you’re clearly excited for the first state in this batch, so we’ll just get to it.

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America Fun Fact of the Day 5/29- May 29th in American History

“Who else is ready for Memorial Day weekend?  Alright, just do one of those lazy ‘This Day in American History’ things.”

~AFFotD’s Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt

As we prepare for our hyper-American Memorial Day barbeque, where we basically replace charcoal with Bacardi 151 while swapping out hamburgers and hog dogs with…well, just larger version of hot dogs and hamburgers because you can’t get much more American than grilled hamburger and hot dogs, we like to take quiet reflection on this day that has, in the past, been a Memorial Day in its own right (maybe).

Anyway, we are just going to ramble off some things that happened today, okay?

Today’s American day in American history

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America Fun Fact of the Day 2/26/2011- America Can Totally Jump Over a Car

“Hell yes I can jump over a car”
45% of America

Look at you, America.  You’re glorious.  When Blake Griffin won the slam dunk contest by jumping over a (unfortunately foreign made) car, the good old folks at ESPN decided to ask the question everyone was asking.  Could you, average American Joe, do the same thing as a 6 foot 10 inch tall professional athlete?  Well, 45% of us, or the 45% most American Americans out there, hear that question and think, “Hell, we’d jump over the damn roof.”

And look at Idaho, Delaware, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island over there.  A majority of the Americans there think they can jump over the hood of a goddamn car.  And there’s something damn special about that.

So America, as you go about your day, look at the nearest car, and at least allow yourself a moment to think….can I jump that fucker?  Because once you blindly assume you can, even when you can’t, then you’ll know you’re truly American.