“Heh. COCK of Barcelos.”
~Our Giggling Copy Editor
Last week, we wrote an article that basically centered on the premise of “a lot of countries have silly or unusual national animals, and a bunch of these national animals don’t even exist, let’s make fun of them.” We held ourselves to one penis joke (heh, phrasing) and we can assure you we will not be so restrained this time around. Here are more of…
“And they say that, in their most dire moment, a chosen one will spurn his British curse, and become, spiritually, a true American.”
~The prophecy
America Fun Fact of the Day likes to keep things, you know, local. Much like George Washington was a staunch isolationist, we don’t give a shit about what goes on outside of America. Oh what’s that, Greece is poor? Tough shit, sell the Parthenon or something. Not our debt, not our problem. We don’t even know what a European Union is, but if you put us on the spot we’d say…Soccer team? British Iron Workers? Again, we don’t know, we don’t care.
But, despite our extreme disinterest in other nations, we do understand that being American is more than just a geographical concept. Hell, some of the least American people in the world were born and raised in America. So, is it possible that there are American souls trapped in bodies that were born in un-American nations? While this may go down as one of the most surprising statements you’ll hear from America’s proudest batch of Xenophobes, yes. Yes it is possible. Sometimes it just tales of incredible feats to us to realize that.
We’re talking about British people drowning in beer.
Or as the British call it, “Gobbling the Hozzywaller in the Fainterphone.” Probably. GOD that place is a mess.
Tagged America, Beer, England, European Union, George WAshington, google, Greece, Jello Shots, London, Parthenon, porter, Soccer
“Chewing gum is a lot like heroin, since both are incredibly enjoyable.”
~William S. Burroughs
Chewing gum is an enigmatic American invention. While it combines ancient history, American ingenuity, and tooth decay, it is not considered to be as awesomely American as alligator wrestling or cage matches (or any combination of the two). But, in reality, chewing gum is an underappreciated yet surprisingly American commodity.
First, ask yourself a question. Who makes chewing gum? Wrigley’s of course. And where do the Chicago Cubs, America’s most American loveable losers play? Wrigley Field.
Did you know: Those two are named after the same fucking guy.
Once you pick up the pieces of your exploded cranium, the America Fun Fact of the Day presents to you…
Chewing Gum: More American than your immigrant grandparents
Posted in America's Best Foods
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, Alcohol, America, Basketball, Benjamin Harrison, Chewing Gum, Chicago Cubs, Chicle, FDR, Football, Gerald Ford, Greece, JFK, Jimmy Carter, John B. Curtis, MacGyver, Soccer, Spiderman, Teddy Roosevelt, Ulysses S. Grant, William Henry Harrison, William S. Burroughs, William Semple, World War II, Wrigley Field
America Fun Fact of the Day 