Tag Archives: Belgium

The Weirdest Official National Animals in the World: Mythical Creatures Edition (Part 1)

“What…Am…I?”

~The National Animal of Bhutan

emblem

If you’re an independent nation, there’s a good chance you have a national animal of some sort. In fact, of all the official countries in the world, almost ¾ of them do. We don’t have a really good reason why that’s the case. In fact it’s kind of weird that a bunch of countries randomly decided to give themselves mascots without anyone questioning as to…what’s the point? We’re sure some country started doing it like thousands of years ago (honestly, probably China?) and a few other independently decided to go the same route, and eventually most countries just got peer pressured into it, but it’s kind of weird that we take national animals as just like, a normal thing for countries to have.

Now America has a few national animals, and we’re not alone in being countries that double down. Naturally we have the bald eagle, but did you know that we also named the American bison our “national mammal”? Yeah that’s right, we have a national mammal. Now, that’s only been the case since it was signed into law in 2016, but still, we do now have two animals. And that being said, neither of these options are bad. Bald eagles are badass, and look badass, while bison have long played a historically significant role in many cultures throughout American history.

But as you might surmise, not every country can really lock in a good national animal like America. In fact, a lot of countries are represented by animals that are not only weird, they straight up don’t fucking exist. And not a single one of these fake animals is a warthog in an army uniform firing a bazooka, which is what we would have come up with if asked to make up a mythical creature to represent America.

You know the deal at this point. We found out that some countries are weird about an arbitrary thing, and we’re going to tell you all about the weirdness. And folks? There are a lot of official animals that straight up do not exist. So many that we’re going to split this sucker into two articles. Keep in mind, most of these creatures were invented about 300 years before we as a species really started getting good at “imagination” and it shows.

The Weirdest Official National Animals in the World: Mythical Creatures Edition (Part 1)

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AFFotD’s Book Review of “Kill All The Belgians”

“Book review?  Only if it’s extremely negative to other cultures.  It IS?  Sure I’ll give it a shot, then”

~AFFotD Book Reading Guy, Chuck Palahniuk

 

Books are scary.  Look at those assholes up there, just… looking all…rustic and shit.  Since you are reading an America Fun Fact of the Day, we can safely assume that we should explain what books are to you, the semi-literate reader.

“Hey that there tuxedo bird hurt it head, hyuk”

Books are a series of pieces of paper that are usually organized in a way to inform the reader or tell a story.  They are “bound” together using glue or string or magic or whatever shit they use, and the front of a book is usually a “cover” that will have a picture telling you what the book is called, and giving you an idea what it is about.  About half the time the cover has something to do with Fabio.  Popular books include, The Bible, Harry Potter, and The Day My Butt Went Psycho.  Books should be viewed as dangerous, however, as they often will force Americans to read, and greatly increase your risk of paper cuts, which always suck, no matter how much Neosporin you put on them.

IT DOES NOTHING!

That is why we at the AFFotD offices are hesitant to begin our next segment.  While we were perusing the google translate for various Belgium website (as most people do in their spare time when their firewall blocks out porn) when we found a garbled article decrying a book written by an American that paints the Belgians (Belgiums?  Belges?  Gums?) in a particular negative right.  For whatever reason, Belgians had a problem with this book, and were offended by it.  That got our attention.  If an American is pissing off a foreign nation, we’re going to approve of it.  When we found out that it was a children’s book with pictures, we got even more excited, because that meant that at least 60% of our staff would be able to make some sense out of it at least.  And finally, we saw the title…

Yes, that’s right.  Let’s Kill All The Belgians: A Child’s Guide to Genocide.  We had a lengthy argument in the office about if that was the best book title ever, or the best book title ever, eventually settling on a fistfight.  So we figured, coming in at a whopping seven pages, we out to give Danny Wind’s masterpiece a proper review.  So now, here is the first ever AFFotD Book Review (of America!)

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The Future of Goose Island (As Owned by Anheuser-Busch)

“What?  No…Nooo….NOOOOOOOOOOO.”

~People who like beer


One of the most common misconceptions in America can be found in the beers we consider to be “American.”  Many assume that the Bud Lights of the world are the ultimate American beer, because they’re cheap, low quality, and people still buy the shit out of them.  Except that most of the shitty beer, like Bud and Natty Ice, is from Anheuser-Busch InBev, based in…Belgium.  The shit is that?  Sure, Budweiser got its start in St. Louis, a city with a rich American history based around…uh…arches?  But any attempt to forgive the low quality of Budweiser because, “Well, it’s an American beer,” flew right out the window.

“But there’s still Miller Lite, right?  It’s Miller Time!”

Nope, that shit’s based out of England.  Get your head out of your ass, American beer consumer.

Fortunately, the great bastion of American liquor resides in craft beers.  While it has been established that going to a party with Milwaukee’s Best will likely result in you getting shot, if you go to a party with an American craft beer from a microbrewery, 90% of the people attending that party will get laid.  True story.  Craft brews, though more expensive, are delicious enough that you can find one that will be even be palatable for the girl at the party who keeps going on about how, “I don’t like beer,” as everyone else glares at her and silently judges the person who invited her.  Plus, they tend to have two or even four times the alcohol content of your Budweisers and Millers out there.  Better taste and more alcohol?  How is that not more American?

The microbrew culture in America has gone from laughably poor to universally respected in a fairly short period.  Sam Adams, Sierra Nevada, and Anchor Brewing helped reinvent the American brew, and since then many notable breweries have formed in America, making delicious, highly intoxicating beverages for Americans to get drunk on without nearly as bad of a hangover as you’d get from Icehouse.

While the beer industry has decreased by one percent this past year (we don’t know why this would be, we can only blame French immigrants) craft brews were up 11%, proving that more Americans appreciate the American notion of American made artisanal beers.

And we at AFFotD are sad to report that one of our classic American brewing institutions again has been assaulted by foreign powers.  And while we are strangely powerless to stop it, at the very least we at AFFotD can take a moment to reflect in the passing of an old friend.

That’s right.  Chicago microbrewery staple, Goose Island, has been purchased by Anheuser-Busch.

We’re all clearly very upset.

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