“Let’s see them sleigh bells ring-a-ling, jing-jing-jing-a-ling too/ Come on it’s a lovely weather for WHO ARE YOU YOU ARE FULL OF SPIDERS I AM BECOME DEATH DESTROYER OF METH.”
~The Mountain’s Most Recent Holiday Jingle
Last week, we could barely contain our excitement that The Mountain had released a holiday collection, combining Christmas cheer with the best shirts for absorbing Robitussin stains. Any time we get an opportunity to write snarky-but-honestly-we-love-them-so-it’s-all-in-jest articles about Big Face Animal shirts is a special occasion for us, so you can only imagine how thrilled we were to open our email to see the following message greeting us after last week’s post.
Again, to members of The Mountain reading this, we’re not above accepting free samples.
Anyway, as previously mentioned, the glory of The Mountain’s holiday collection could not dare be contained in a single fun fact, so we’re here to double your pleasure, and double your fun, or at least double your desire to find the nearest gas station that still sells Sparks. And to you readers out there, if you see a shirt you un-ironically (or, for many of you, let’s be honest here, ironically) want to purchase, feel free to email us asking for the URL that we literally put in the first sentence of our article. No, seriously, do that, it would make our day.
The Mountain’s Holiday Shirt Collection (Part 2)
Posted in America's Holidays, Big Face Animal Shirts
Tagged America, Big Face Animal, Christmas, Holiday, orangutan, Penguin, Robitussin, Rudolph, squirrell, The Mountain
“Book review? Only if it’s extremely negative to other cultures. It IS? Sure I’ll give it a shot, then”
~AFFotD Book Reading Guy, Chuck Palahniuk
Books are scary. Look at those assholes up there, just… looking all…rustic and shit. Since you are reading an America Fun Fact of the Day, we can safely assume that we should explain what books are to you, the semi-literate reader.
“Hey that there tuxedo bird hurt it head, hyuk”
Books are a series of pieces of paper that are usually organized in a way to inform the reader or tell a story. They are “bound” together using glue or string or magic or whatever shit they use, and the front of a book is usually a “cover” that will have a picture telling you what the book is called, and giving you an idea what it is about. About half the time the cover has something to do with Fabio. Popular books include, The Bible, Harry Potter, and The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Books should be viewed as dangerous, however, as they often will force Americans to read, and greatly increase your risk of paper cuts, which always suck, no matter how much Neosporin you put on them.
IT DOES NOTHING!
That is why we at the AFFotD offices are hesitant to begin our next segment. While we were perusing the google translate for various Belgium website (as most people do in their spare time when their firewall blocks out porn) when we found a garbled article decrying a book written by an American that paints the Belgians (Belgiums? Belges? Gums?) in a particular negative right. For whatever reason, Belgians had a problem with this book, and were offended by it. That got our attention. If an American is pissing off a foreign nation, we’re going to approve of it. When we found out that it was a children’s book with pictures, we got even more excited, because that meant that at least 60% of our staff would be able to make some sense out of it at least. And finally, we saw the title…
Yes, that’s right. Let’s Kill All The Belgians: A Child’s Guide to Genocide. We had a lengthy argument in the office about if that was the best book title ever, or the best book title ever, eventually settling on a fistfight. So we figured, coming in at a whopping seven pages, we out to give Danny Wind’s masterpiece a proper review. So now, here is the first ever AFFotD Book Review (of America!)
Posted in The Rest of Them
Tagged AFFotD Book Review, America, Belgium, Books, Catcher in the Rye, Chuck Palahniuk, Danny Wind, Fabio, Gin, Harry Potter, Kill all the Belgians, Moby Dick, Neosporin, Penguin, Red Dawn, The Bible, The Day My Butt Went Psycho, The Great Gatsby, tuxedo, Vegitables, Xenophobia, Zombie