“I’d tell you what I’m dressed up as, but Disney’s got some powerful lawyers.”
~Women Wearing Sexy Character Costumes, Apparently
“Many adult women wear sexy Halloween costumes” is the kind of hot take you’d expect to hear from a middling stand-up comic in 2002, and we’ve covered the topic in our oh-so-subtle way years back, but whatever, the “sexy costume” industry thrives during Halloween, even though realistically you end up seeing like, ten women wearing the costumes, tops, each year. That said, each year, sites such as yandy.com come out with hundreds of costumes that mostly consist of “swimsuits with something drawn on it” or “like, let’s take a normal costume, and then cut away the midsection,” so there’s got to be a market for this kind of stuff.
Now, in the sexy costume industry, which we guess weirdly serves as a metaphor for America now that we think about it, the easiest way to make money is to profit on things that are already popular. But in doing that, you often have to face that other great American export that is “bloodthirsty corporate lawyers,” which means that if you really want to sell a costume you may have to change your costume name so as to not get sued into bankruptcy. So, while you might want to dress up as a “sexy Spock” (but, like, why?) you’ll probably need to look for something along the lines of a “sexy pointy-eared alien.” You get the idea. It’s dumb, but also kind of funny in a ridiculous way.
No, seriously, these names, we can’t get enough of them. Here are some of the dumbest sexy costumes, and what they’re called. We love Halloween so much.
Worst Sexy Costumes (With Hilarious Generic Names)
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, America's Holidays, Strange America
Tagged America, Captain America, Costumes, Disney, Halloween Costumes, Harry Potter, Hilarious Names, Mickey Mouse, Minion, Pac-Man, Poison Ivy, Princess Leia, sexy costumes, Smurfs
“That’s no book. It’s a space station.”
America has a very tenuous relationship with books, and literacy in general. On one hand, you’re here, reading these words, and only about 25% of you have to slowly-mouth-out-the-words-as-you-read-along. But on the other hand, reading is hard. Hell, that’s why this page is covered with flags and bears and shit because look at the shiny things look at the shiny things thanks for the page click sorry there aren’t more side-boob slideshows for you.
The fact of the matter is, while many Americans appreciate a good book, and even spend their free time reading as opposed to, say, drinking and watching Netflix in whiskey haze, others think that books are for suckers. We’re not going to take a side on this topic, unless we write and subsequently try to sell a book, in which case, literature is awesome, RIP Borders you will be missed, long live Barnes and Noble. But, as long as there has been literature, there have been works of literature that are soooooo long (“how long are they?”) they are soooo long… that it would take an incredible amount of time and patience to get through them.
Damn, we really thought there could be a joke in there. A joke about long books…long…something. Nope, we got nothing. Damn shame. Anyway, here are the longest books ever written by American authors.
The 7 Longest Books In America
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, American History, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand, Books, Carl Sandburg, David Foster Wallace, Great Gatsby, Harry Potter, illiteracy rokcs!, Infinite Jest, Joseph McElroy, Katharine Hepburn, Literature, long books, Marguerite Young, Remembrance Rock, Richard Kimball, Sirona Texas, Sufjan Stevens, Tad Williams, Texas, To Green Angel Tower, Women and Men, world's longest books
“Book review? Only if it’s extremely negative to other cultures. It IS? Sure I’ll give it a shot, then”
~AFFotD Book Reading Guy, Chuck Palahniuk
Books are scary. Look at those assholes up there, just… looking all…rustic and shit. Since you are reading an America Fun Fact of the Day, we can safely assume that we should explain what books are to you, the semi-literate reader.
“Hey that there tuxedo bird hurt it head, hyuk”
Books are a series of pieces of paper that are usually organized in a way to inform the reader or tell a story. They are “bound” together using glue or string or magic or whatever shit they use, and the front of a book is usually a “cover” that will have a picture telling you what the book is called, and giving you an idea what it is about. About half the time the cover has something to do with Fabio. Popular books include, The Bible, Harry Potter, and The Day My Butt Went Psycho. Books should be viewed as dangerous, however, as they often will force Americans to read, and greatly increase your risk of paper cuts, which always suck, no matter how much Neosporin you put on them.
IT DOES NOTHING!
That is why we at the AFFotD offices are hesitant to begin our next segment. While we were perusing the google translate for various Belgium website (as most people do in their spare time when their firewall blocks out porn) when we found a garbled article decrying a book written by an American that paints the Belgians (Belgiums? Belges? Gums?) in a particular negative right. For whatever reason, Belgians had a problem with this book, and were offended by it. That got our attention. If an American is pissing off a foreign nation, we’re going to approve of it. When we found out that it was a children’s book with pictures, we got even more excited, because that meant that at least 60% of our staff would be able to make some sense out of it at least. And finally, we saw the title…
Yes, that’s right. Let’s Kill All The Belgians: A Child’s Guide to Genocide. We had a lengthy argument in the office about if that was the best book title ever, or the best book title ever, eventually settling on a fistfight. So we figured, coming in at a whopping seven pages, we out to give Danny Wind’s masterpiece a proper review. So now, here is the first ever AFFotD Book Review (of America!)
Posted in The Rest of Them
Tagged AFFotD Book Review, America, Belgium, Books, Catcher in the Rye, Chuck Palahniuk, Danny Wind, Fabio, Gin, Harry Potter, Kill all the Belgians, Moby Dick, Neosporin, Penguin, Red Dawn, The Bible, The Day My Butt Went Psycho, The Great Gatsby, tuxedo, Vegitables, Xenophobia, Zombie