“I’d tell you what I’m dressed up as, but Disney’s got some powerful lawyers.”
~Women Wearing Sexy Character Costumes, Apparently
“Many adult women wear sexy Halloween costumes” is the kind of hot take you’d expect to hear from a middling stand-up comic in 2002, and we’ve covered the topic in our oh-so-subtle way years back, but whatever, the “sexy costume” industry thrives during Halloween, even though realistically you end up seeing like, ten women wearing the costumes, tops, each year. That said, each year, sites such as yandy.com come out with hundreds of costumes that mostly consist of “swimsuits with something drawn on it” or “like, let’s take a normal costume, and then cut away the midsection,” so there’s got to be a market for this kind of stuff.
Now, in the sexy costume industry, which we guess weirdly serves as a metaphor for America now that we think about it, the easiest way to make money is to profit on things that are already popular. But in doing that, you often have to face that other great American export that is “bloodthirsty corporate lawyers,” which means that if you really want to sell a costume you may have to change your costume name so as to not get sued into bankruptcy. So, while you might want to dress up as a “sexy Spock” (but, like, why?) you’ll probably need to look for something along the lines of a “sexy pointy-eared alien.” You get the idea. It’s dumb, but also kind of funny in a ridiculous way.
No, seriously, these names, we can’t get enough of them. Here are some of the dumbest sexy costumes, and what they’re called. We love Halloween so much.
Worst Sexy Costumes (With Hilarious Generic Names)