“THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME!”
~A…book? right?
We at America Fun Fact of the Day have a credo. You may have heard of it. It goes…fuck nature. And here’s the thing. When you have a common enemy, the best thing you can hope for? That’s right. You want them…TO DO BATTLE!
BEAR VERSUS TIGER! No matter who wins…we win!
Have a great weekend everyone. Congratulations to every American named Joe and Katie getting married today.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Bear, Bear versus Tiger, Fuck Nature, Saturday Image of the Week, Tiger
“Eh…too easy.”
~American Hunters
As purveyors of American doses of Americanism, we like to have our finger on the pulse of the acceptably badass American occupations. When alcohol was being flavored like cupcakes, we were there. When Pizza hut started cramming bacon and sausage inside of their crusts, we were there. And that’s why we’re here to tell you that we have encountered a small pocket of Americans who enjoy hunting, except for anything that has ever been invented to make hunting easier.
That’s right. These are people who like to hunt wild boar and other animals using homemade bows, arrows, and spears. Because WOOOOOOO, that’s why.
“My point be obsidian/ my beats ain’t opinion/ grizzled beard cause delirium/ fuck up boars and all of ‘em.”
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Arros, Bear Grylls, Boar, Bows, C. Dale Petersen, Freestyle, Homemade Hunters, Homemade Weapons, Hunters, rap, Spears, Wall Street Journal
“Freeze, chumps.”
~Um, just the motherfucking Robocop
Many classic characters have been created for art and film. There’s Hamlet, Sherlock Holmes, that one dude in The Wire that wasn’t Omar but had the bow tie, all of these characters are memorable parts of our culture’s collective memory.
Come to think of it, Omar might be a slightly more memorable character.
So given this absolutely complete list of popular characters of film, stage, and (ugh) literature, what do they have in common? Passion? Eloquence? An enviable fashion sense? Well, none of them hold a candle to the figure of today’s AFFotD, who is of course…
The Motherfucking Robocop.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Blue-Tac, ER, Face-Off, Hamlet, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, omar, Reaper, Rip Thorn, Robocop, Robocop on a Jetpack, Sherlock Holmes, That 70's Show, The Matrix, The West Wing, The Wire
“…Well, post something, so long as no one gets mad.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
Last weekend we raised a few eyebrows by posting two images of the week. “Wait, you’re not even going to tell me what we are posting?” was asked. A lot. Yes, two images of the week, it’s quite awful. We’ll at least try to help you with a “Today in history” post.
Um…. There’s not much that has gone on, sadly. In 1962 there was a nuclear bomb testing? That’s…that’s pretty cool. And there was the great train wreck of 1856 in…well 1856. Lots of people died there. That’s…less good. Shit there’s…is that really it? The Harvard Dental School opened in 1867, which was the first Dental School in America, which explains why we have better teeth than the Brits but…um…shit…
Wow…
We hate to do this but…
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
“Let’s find a picture like Jaws, only…you know, crocodiles. Wait, you can do that?”
~AFFotD Editor-in Chief Johnny Roosevelt
The Saturday Image of the Week is something our readers have learned to appreciate and cherish. But sometimes, we just want to scare the shit out of you. So here we go, America. This is how big Crocodiles can get. Fuck nature.
Have a good weekend everyone.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
“I got this cool scar, AND I get to miss a week of school.”
~Oh, no one you’ve heard of. Just Bart Motherfucking Simpson
Everyone is born with extra parts added to their body. Americans have a secondary liver that primarily filters out bourbon and whiskey. Canadians have a gland that makes their names legally have to be “Rupert.” French people are born with tails. Many of these extra, generally nation-specific, extra pieces have their value (Canadians like the name “Rupert” as it is bland and unthreatening, American’s need to get drunk more, and it’s always good to be reminded that French people are rats). But every once in a while, humans are born with pointless junk that we just don’t need. Wisdom teeth, nose hair, elbows, all of these just get in the way of important things like eating, smelling, and rolling down hills.
“DAMN YOU EVOLUTION!”
Of all these useless digits and doo-dads, there is one particular component that actually depletes your Americanness, and as a result it’s gotta be scooped out of your body. That would be the appendix, which seeps miniscule amounts of Anti-America that, when you become American enough, will cause a pain in your side. This is called “Appendicitis” which of course is latin for “This is America dammit, GET OUTTA MY BODY YOU DAMN FOREIGNERS.” At that point doctors have to come by to snip the bastard out there. Most patients, upon receiving an appendectomy, find that their sense of America goes up roughly 15%. Taking out your appendicitis is literally the most American thing you can do to your body next to getting an American flag tattooed to your fucking face.
“I…I have buyer’s remorse.”
So without further ado, we at AFFotD are here to look into the American benefits of Appendectomies.
Pictured above: Appendectomy.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Appendectomy, Appendix, Bart Simpson, Bourbon, Kangaroo boxing, Liver, Monster Truck Rallies, The Simpsons, Whiskey
“Quakers are American right?”
~Johnny Roosevelt
Normally we would write some sort of “Today in American history article” today. But it will not be this day. No instead, we will put another image of the week. Hopefully no one notices.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
“Eh. Do it. Whatever.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
As you’ve no doubt realized by this point, AFFotD excels at creating images that summarize America in week long format. So here is an example of this.
Haaaa. You’re doing it wrong. Have a good weekend everybody.
“You want us to do a fun fact? We’re too busy getting the ambulances on stand-by for when we celebrate July 4th, dammit.”
~AFFotD staff
As the cases of beers in your fridge and the excessive amounts of meat in your freezers are now doubt telling you, tomorrow is the goddamned 4th of July. You’re going to be drunk on beer, fireworks, and more beer. We will too. The difference is that we love to pregame. So we’re just going to bide our tie with…
Today’s American Day in American History (America Edition)
“Yeah, that’s pretty cool I guess.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
There was a news story this week about how someone hella overpaid for the only verified pictures of Billy he Kid. You mainly know of this guy because Robert Redford made him seem really cool. Anyway, it was supposed to sell for$300,000 bu instead it went for over two million. Why? Because America loves overpaying for useless nostalgic bullshit.
Have a good weekend everybody.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Auction, Billy the Kid, Saturday Image of the Week
America Fun Fact of the Day 