Category Archives: AFFotD Special Features

Every so often, our writers run out of whiskey when the liquor stores have already closed. Unsure what to do in such a terrifyingly sober world, we try to occupy ourselves by writing comprehensive long-form articles about some of the most important aspect of America.

We’ve put each of our special feature here for you to peruse, because deep down you’ve always wanted to know about the lives of each of Teddy Roosevelt’s kids, or about the most American quality of each American state. Or it’s just a slow work day and you’re looking to pass the time with a healthy dose of America.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

“Honestly, we elected a guy who looks like Kevin Pollak as President. We should have seen this coming.”

~The American People in the Film Deterrence

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Just like time marches on with a stubbornness that cannot be defeated, so to we must continue our bold and silly experiment to rank every single fictional President who has appeared in a major motion picture throughout the history of cinema. Today’s entry has a lot of Presidents who you would still not want to see leading your country. For example, you might not have a lot of confidence in, say, the guy who thought that Greg Brady from The Brady Bunch should be his Vice President, or the President who actually is Alan Alda. But why don’t we go ahead and just start this section with the guy who nuked Baghdad.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#110-101—The Disaster Presidents)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

“Wait, but I thought Morgan Freeman was a GOOD President in Deep Impact.”

~You, Encountering the First Listing You Might Disagree With

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What makes a good President? Well, ideally you want someone who can help usher peace and prosperity for all Americans. Or, if things go wrong, you want a President who can take charge and guide America through its trials and tribulations with the nation coming out stronger on the other side. Now, how exactly a President can pull off these feats is almost impossible to answer, and every President tries to figure it out in their own way. But it definitely helps if the President is not an imposter working for COBRA in the G.I. Joe universe.

That’s right, we’re back to our ranking of every fictional President to appear in a movie. All 142 of them. We’re still in the “bad President” part of the list, if that COBRA thing wasn’t enough of a clue for you.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#120-111—Mostly Inept and Irresponsible Presidents)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#130-121—Historically Bad Presidents)

“I’m so mad I’m literally shaking.”

AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt Upon the Discovery of the Knock-Off Film Independents’ Day

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In going through every single movie President we could find, we’ve definitely encountered a lot of shitty movies as well as a lot of shitty Presidents. Like, who would have thought that they made a movie in the 1930s where the “hero” President is basically Mussolini? Well we’re continuing in our crazy ranking of all the fictional Presidents in film history, because we’re crazy people. You might wonder, is this list really definitive? Yes, yes it is. You might follow up by asking, isn’t what makes one fake President better or worse than the other the definition of a subjective list? No, we are infallible with our assessments here.

Anyway, here are some more bad Presidents, each one slightly less bad than their predecessor.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#130-121—Historically Bad Presidents)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#140-131—The Truly Terrible [and Sometimes Evil] Presidents)

“What do you mean an actual werewolf was only the 12th worst President depicted in film?”

~AFFotD’s “Fact” Checker

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When one of our staff members got lunch drunk (it’s like regular drunk, only it’s immediately followed by a nap) and proposed that we try to rank all the fictional Presidents that have appeared in cinematic history we thought, sure, that could be fun for everyone.

We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. There are so many movies that have Presidents, you guys. We’ve already gone over nearly twenty movies that just barely didn’t make the list for one reason or another, and definitively determined that the worst Presidents in film history were responsible for nuking New York, and causing Doomsday, in that order (New York was worse because the President himself pulled the trigger. Or…pushed the button? Turned the key? Whatever one does with nukes).

But we’ve made our bed, and might as well see this thing through to the bitter end. Here are ten more fictional Presidents who you’d definitely not consider re-electing.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#140-131—The Truly Terrible [and Sometimes Evil] Presidents)

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Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (Honorable Mentions and #142-141—Our Two Worst Presidents)

“So, if I’m not in a comedy, I’m either corrupt or kidnapped?”

~Every Fictional Movie President

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If you were to list all the film released over the course of cinematic history, you’d find that every single truly great movie takes place in America with the exception of Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Apocalypse Now, and that one part in The Godfather in Sicily that everyone usually forgets about. We are noted film historians, so you’ll have to trust us on this. And with all these American movies, you’d assume that a lot of them have Presidents. And you’d be correct.

Our history is obsessed with looking back on our nation’s past Presidents and trying to rank them, from best to worst. Nixon was a bad President. Lincoln was a great President. Obama was *the world collapses under the immense strain of the arguments occurring in the comments section of this article.* Well, if we can try to rank real Presidents (which, oh God, we will not be doing on this site, we had people giving us shit about movies we gave fake Oscars to, could you imagine us getting into partisan shit?) why can’t we rank fictional Presidents? Well we can.

And we did.

We looked high and low for every fictional President who has appeared in a film. And once we excluded all fictional representations of real Presidents, as well as all the Presidents who appear in a film in name only, and are never seen on camera, we ended up with a list of 142 (why do we do this to ourselves) fake leaders of the fake free world. We’ve split that into, oh, 15 articles, because we’re taking ad revenue now, and we’re going to be completely transparent that while reading this in a small handful of articles is a lot more manageable for you, the reader, it’s also a lot more profitable to us to, the greedy Capitalists, to stretch this out every business day for the next three weeks.

So strap the fuck in. Because this article is filled with the worst Presidents ever.

Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (Honorable Mentions and #142-141—The Bottom Two Presidents)

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The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 6: The 70s Were Really Weird)

“Let’s be honest, we’re still figuring what this show is, it doesn’t matter who hosts.”

~Lorne Michaels in the 70s

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For the past three weeks we’ve been flooding this site with a lot of obscure people who have hosted Saturday Night Live. We covered the eternal soul-crushing scream that was SNL in the 80s, we’ve talked about hosting decisions that aged poorly, as well as athletes and politicians. But we’ve left out one crucial decade (well, with the exception of Ralph Nader’s entry in the last article). And that would be the 70s. The show was really figuring things out in their first seasons, and that was doubly true for the people they got to host.

Unlike the 80s, where SNL was actively failing and had to reach out for whatever host they could get, the 70s tended to pick hosts that were either established comedians, or people that almost felt like they were chosen as part of a gag. It led to a deeply weird half-decade of casting choices, and feels like a natural point to end our series. So, without further ado, we present…

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 6: The 70s Were Really Weird)

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The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 5: Stop Letting Politicians Host)

“Don’t worry, I’m not looking forward to me hosting, either.”

~Ralph Nader

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For the past few weeks, we’ve been talking about Saturday Night Live, as you, our loyal readers who grace these pages to learn about people with silly names and weird burritos, have collectively wondered, “Why?” We…we don’t know. There’s a sort of historical significance to who hosts Saturday Night Live, we guess. Each season’s rosters of hosts are a miniature time capsule of where America was as a culture in that given year. Sometimes that leads to hosts that were famous for like a hot second in the 00s, sometimes it leads to relevant-at-the-time sports figures, and sometimes the 1980s happen and we have to come to terms with that. And sometimes they go with a specific type of famous figure that accounts for by far the strangest category of performer that SNL trots out with any regularity. The humble (hah) politician. SNL has a lot of politicians host, and it’s always weird and awkward. Which seems like a good enough reason to include them in our list of random SNL hosts. So here you go.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 5: Stop Letting Politicians Host)

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The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 4: Sports Hosts)

“If I’m good at sports, I must be good at nuanced comedic timing on a live national stage, right?”

~Most Professional Athletes to Their Agents

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Last week, we went through the literally hundreds of hosts who have graced the stages of Saturday Night Live over the past forty-plus years. And in our searching, we’ve found that…a lot of the hosts are random as hell. As in, there are a lot of people who can go up to you at a party and say, “I hosted SNL once,” to whom you’d reply, “Oh shut up, stop lying to get attention, Francis Ford Coppola.” And while we’ve covered the 80s, and the decisions that aged…not so great, there’s a complete category of performer we’ve failed to mention. They host SNL all the time, are almost never good at it, and have really no business being in comedy. We’re talking, of course, about professional athletes.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 4: Sports Hosts)

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The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 3: Decisions That Aged Poorly)

“I’m going to do something British and greasy, because that’s apparently what America demanded in 2011.”

~Russell Brand

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So far we’ve talked about eleven different people who have hosted Saturday Night Live whose mere names bring forth such grandiose praise as, “Wait Ron Reagan hosted Saturday Night Live once?” and “Like, Ron Reagan, like, the youngest son of the former President who Baby Boomers remember as ‘the ballet dancer’? You said hosted, right?” But we’ve only just scratched the surface. Because over the long, storied history of SNL, we’ve had hundreds of famous and relevant hosts, like Tom Hanks, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin. And we’ve also had a large handful of hosts that…well, are surprising. And not all of the weird hosts were in the 80s! A lot of them were hosts that we guess made sense at the time, but now warrant blank stares of “wait, they hosted SNL? Like, that famous show? Really?” Here are some of the hosts who hosted SNL at the apex of their cultural relevancy, right before they turned into obscure trivia question answers.

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 3: Decisions That Aged Poorly)

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The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 2: More of the Dreaded 80s)

“No, but seriously, who is Griffin Dunne?

~Everyone Born After 1976

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As we stated earlier this week, not everyone who has hosted Saturday Night Live ended up being names that carried a lot of weight years down the line. Hell, even today, SNL hosts tend to be a mix of famous former cast members, big stars looking to promote a movie, and the occasional “he’s not super famous, but they clearly brought him in because he’s funny and we needed a funny episode this week.” But as weird as it is that like, Miley Cyrus has hosted multiple times, no decade had more strange hosting decisions than the 1980s, where the show was struggling to survive purely on cocaine, stubbornness, and Eddie Murphy’s weird hiccup-laugh. In fact, even though we talked about a bunch of puzzling SNL hosts from the 80s in the first entry of this series, there are still more to cover. So let’s get ready to huff on some Freon to try to get yourself in the mindset of the show’s casting director from 1981 through 1987 with…

The SNL Host Series: Most Random Hosts in Saturday Night Live History (Part 2: More of the Dreaded 80s)

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