“And their ass we did kick/ what kind of bullshit is this?”
~Deleted verse from The Star-Spangled Banner
America Fun Fact of the Day has a couple of Newsies in our employ. We’re talking old school, technically-breaking-child-labor-laws Newsies. We force them to read the paper out loud to us because we like to know what’s going on in this fair country but we hate the strained eyeball feeling and stress headaches that we get every time we try to feign literacy.
We don’t make them smoke, but we do pay them extra if they do.
Anyway, today one of our Newsies comes up to us and says, “What would your first reaction be if I told you there was a called in Indiana called (Gee) Goshen College?”
“I’d punch you right in the face for making a cheap Newsie sounding pun,” said Johnny Roosevelt, our editor-in-chief.
That’s when the Newsie read us a little article about the actual (tiny) college, located in Goshen, Indiana, which in its own right isn’t enough to get us riled up. Small college? That’s acceptably American, sure. It’s not like they won’t play the National Anthem because they think it’s too violent or…
Wait, are you fucking serious?
Oh hell no! Let’s rip these fuckers to threads.
Oh, uh, we meant figuratively…