Tag Archives: National Anthem

The National Anthems Of The World Series: Part 4- National Anthems With The Lowest Self Esteem

“This is our national anthem, nobody likes me L”

~Huh, How Do You Get an Emoji in a National Anthem?

national-anthem

We’ve spent the last few weeks telling you about countries that aren’t America, which we know is very jarring for many of you.  But in our attempts to be cultured (read as: making fun of other nations) we’ve found a broad spectrum of National Anthems that range from “Okay that’s pretty badass” to “please stop crying, please stop crying, it’s making us very uncomfortable.”  Make no mistake, a National Anthem is supposed to be your country at its most very badass.  But that’s not always the case.  So we’re going to close out our series with a handful of nations that, just, really need to boost that self-esteem.  Come on guys, chins up!

The National Anthems Of The World Series:  Part 4- National Anthems With The Lowest Self Esteem

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The National Anthems Of The World Series: Part 2- More Metal National Anthem Lyrics

“Come at us, France.”

~Algeria’s National Anthem

whitney-houston

Last week, we quoted a bunch of National Anthems that are not as good as the Star-Spangled Banner, despite being metal as fuck. (It’s nothing personal, the Star-Spangled Banner could just be the lyrics to the Oscar Meyer wiener song and it’d still be better than all National Anthems just simply by being America’s National Anthem)

But it is true.  Some countries decide to make their anthems metal as hell.  Like, did you know that Bhutan’s national anthem is literally called the Thunder Dragon Kingdom?  Like, holy shit right?  So we were able to find even more anthems filled with blood and veiled threats.  After this, we’re going to take things down a notch with depressing National Anthems, so enjoy this while you can.

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The National Anthems Of The World Series: Part 1- The Most Metal National Anthem Lyrics

“Oh say can you see…by the dawn’s…*30% of the crowd starts to mumble the rest of the lyrics that they only know three-quarters of*”

~The National Anthem of the United States

flag-anthem

The Star-Spangled Banner is, as the kids say, a jam.  Our national anthem since 1931, it’s pretty much the one song that you can get punched in the face for disparaging other than Drunk in Love in this country.  But if you really take a step back and look at it objectively, for a song that we hold such deep reverence for, it’s pretty surprising that it’s even a song we know in the first place.  We literally took a popular British drinking song that we’d been changing the lyrics to, parody style, for years (basically an Olde-Timey version of “Call You Maybe”) and stuck in a poem about a time a bunch of British people attacked a fort during the War of 1812, and were like, yeah this seems patriotic, let’s turn it into our National Anthem in like, 120 years.

But it works!  And that’s the thing with National Anthems, so long as they swell and you can get a good low angle shot of an Olympic Athlete’s eyes getting a bit misty hearing it, no one really reads that much into what they say.  Who among you actually knows what a rampart is?  Like, who can describe a rampart without having to use Wikipedia, right now?  Okay, sure, you just got it, but not all of us aced our SAT Verbal Exams, asshole.

Anyway, this all made us think about National Anthems.  Because just about every country has them, and not every country has ever had cause to write a poem about fighting the British in a battle.  Most countries, sure.  But not all.  And so we dug through English translations of every single National Anthem out there, and, well, there’s so much we want to share.

So welcome to our National Anthem series.  We’ll spend the next few weeks going through the most depressing National Anthems, as well as the National Anthems that convey the lowest self-esteem.  But first, we want to get the fun ones out of the way.  Because guess what?  A lot of National Anthems are metal as fuck.  So let’s start there.

The National Anthems Of The World Series:  Part 1- The Most Metal National Anthem Lyrics

rampart

We’re still only like 40% sure what a rampart is, though.

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Five Americans Hilariously Drunk At College Football Games

“Go beer, let’s win some vomit!”

~College Game Day Crowds

gameday crowd

College is a special time in an American’s life where getting shitcanned drunk every night makes you a party rock star, and not someone who ever has family and friends set them aside to say “we’re really worried about your drinking, you say you do it as research for that website you write, but all of your friends who write at that job are degenerate drunks and we don’t want to see you continue this tailspin that you’re in.”

Of course, of the many college traditions that have been meticulously documented in dozens of educational documentary “National Lampoon” films, there is one that remains timeless, and is as acceptable at age 80 as it is at age 20- getting sloppy drunk to watch 19 year old football players get paid nothing to beat the ever-loving shit out of each other.  Students and alumni alike can gather on game day, drink, and scream, “KILL HIM KILL BREAK THAT 19 YEAR OLD BOY’S LEG AND TAKE AWAY HIS FUTURE LIVELIHOOD WE’RE DOWN BY THREE” in harmony (well, the kind of harmony that tends to involve a lot of “getting into fights with fans of the opposing team”).

As we approach the one-month mark for the 2013 NCAA football season, we’d like to take a step back and appreciate some Americans who knew how to respond to a loud, bustling, social situation with remarkable composure and baaaahaha no we’re just pulling your legs, here’s a list of some hilariously drunk college football fans.

Five Americans Hilariously Drunk At College Football Games

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Wherein AFFotD is all “Bitch, Please” to an Indiana Establishment of Education Which Dares Hoist Itself Above the Very National Anthem of America

“And their ass we did kick/ what kind of bullshit is this?”

~Deleted verse from The Star-Spangled Banner


America Fun Fact of the Day has a couple of Newsies in our employ.  We’re talking old school, technically-breaking-child-labor-laws Newsies.  We force them to read the paper out loud to us because we like to know what’s going on in this fair country but we hate the strained eyeball feeling and stress headaches that we get every time we try to feign literacy.

We don’t make them smoke, but we do pay them extra if they do.

Anyway, today one of our Newsies comes up to us and says, “What would your first reaction be if I told you there was a called in Indiana called (Gee) Goshen College?”

“I’d punch you right in the face for making a cheap Newsie sounding pun,” said Johnny Roosevelt, our editor-in-chief.

That’s when the Newsie read us a little article about the actual (tiny) college, located in Goshen, Indiana, which in its own right isn’t enough to get us riled up.  Small college?  That’s acceptably American, sure.  It’s not like they won’t play the National Anthem because they think it’s too violent or…

Wait, are you fucking serious?

Oh hell no!  Let’s rip these fuckers to threads.

Oh, uh, we meant figuratively…

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