“Why can’t I have you? But I need you so.”
~American Taste Buds
Doritos are one of the better snack gifts we’ve given to the world. Since 1964, when we first decided that we could probably get rid of our leftover tortillas by cutting them into triangles, frying them, and smothering them with fake cheese, Doritos has been there for every Super Bowl party and for every 2:30 AM stoned 7-Eleven run. Even when Japan tried ruining Doritos, which came as a surprise to no one, they forever stood out as delicious, cheesy (or cool-ranchy) ways to get saturated fats into our bodies and flavor powder permanently tattooed onto our fingertips.
Japanese meddling notwithstanding, Doritos has never been content to stand by with just a handful of flavors. In fact, they’ve released nearly a hundred different flavors throughout the years. And despite the existence of “ketchup” or “sonic sour cream” flavors on that lengthy list of Doritos flavors that have been released and then rightfully vanquished to that warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant, some of these flavors actually sound delicious. But they’re gone. No matter how much we want to try them, we never can.
Here are some delicious Doritos flavors that the Frito-Lay company foolishly decided were mistakes.
Discontinued Doritos Flavors Too Beautiful For This World
Posted in America's Best Foods, America's Culinary Treats, Strange Foods
Tagged America, Bugles, Chili Cheese, Doritos, Doritos 3D, Doritos 3D's, Doritos Locos, Frito-Lay, Fritos, guacamole, Habañero, Megawhat, salsa, salsa verde, Taco Bell, Taco Supreme
~AFFotD Food Critic John Goodman
As we’ve established on numerous occasions, Japan approaches American-based junk food and beverages the same way Lennie approaches puppies in Of Mice and Men. We’ve even let you know about the terrible, unspeakable things that Japan likes to do to our potato chips. Of course, that’s just the beginning. Japanese food sort of adheres to a subset of Rule 34. By that we mean to say, we could type some random combination of disgusting words and it’ll exist in Japan, and be terrifying. Don’t believe us? Let’s see…uh, octopus soda.
…Oh dear God, what have we done?
So with that in mind, it’s time for us to take our periscope of terrifying food abominations towards Japan’s interpretation of the delicious Takis rival, Cheetos. Which, as always, leads us to exclaim…
Goddamn it Japan, You’re Doing it Wrong: Cheetos
Posted in Japan
Tagged America, Butter Soy, cheeseburger, Cheetos, Doritos, Frito-Lay, Goddamn It Japan You're Doing it Wrong, Japan, Pepsi, Pollock Eggs, strawberry, Takis, Weird Food