“Why can’t I have you? But I need you so.”
~American Taste Buds
Doritos are one of the better snack gifts we’ve given to the world. Since 1964, when we first decided that we could probably get rid of our leftover tortillas by cutting them into triangles, frying them, and smothering them with fake cheese, Doritos has been there for every Super Bowl party and for every 2:30 AM stoned 7-Eleven run. Even when Japan tried ruining Doritos, which came as a surprise to no one, they forever stood out as delicious, cheesy (or cool-ranchy) ways to get saturated fats into our bodies and flavor powder permanently tattooed onto our fingertips.
Japanese meddling notwithstanding, Doritos has never been content to stand by with just a handful of flavors. In fact, they’ve released nearly a hundred different flavors throughout the years. And despite the existence of “ketchup” or “sonic sour cream” flavors on that lengthy list of Doritos flavors that have been released and then rightfully vanquished to that warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant, some of these flavors actually sound delicious. But they’re gone. No matter how much we want to try them, we never can.
Here are some delicious Doritos flavors that the Frito-Lay company foolishly decided were mistakes.
Discontinued Doritos Flavors Too Beautiful For This World
Posted in America's Best Foods, America's Culinary Treats, Strange Foods
Tagged America, Bugles, Chili Cheese, Doritos, Doritos 3D, Doritos 3D's, Doritos Locos, Frito-Lay, Fritos, guacamole, Habañero, Megawhat, salsa, salsa verde, Taco Bell, Taco Supreme
“This is unholy. This is an abomination. I want ten of them right now.”
~You, with most of these menu items
Fast food holds a dear place in the hearts of all Americans. No, we mean that literally, everyone reading this has a tiny chunk of a Big Mac lodged somewhere in their arteries, waiting patiently for the best time to
stroke strike. Do not fight it, and it won’t fight you. Yes you want fries with that.
But as much as people have been focusing lately on how “unhealthy” and “disgusting behind the scenes” fast food places are, good old American gumption helps us stay strong by covering our ears and going, “La la la I’m not listening I’d like a Whopper with no onions please.” And part of the reason why fast food is here to stay is that, like many Americans, they’re not satisfied with the status quo. They’re constantly evolving their menu and testing out new products that can range from “surprisingly glorious” to “ah, look, a Double Down wrapper. I think we’ve found our cause of death.”
Food items are not added to menus lightly (okay, sometimes they are, and it’s hilarious). Honestly, did you think that this just fucking happened? Of course not, you can’t roll out a Monster Thickburger to an unsuspecting nation without endangering the lives of the residents of, say, Columbus, Ohio first. So we’re here to give you an inside glimpse into the minds of the fast food giants by letting you know what they’re currently testing in markets that you (statistically, probably) don’t live in. Some of which you can’t wait to see on menus nationwide, and some of which will terrify you but you also can’t wait to see on menus nationwide.
Fast Food’s Most Insane Products Currently Being Tested
Posted in Strange Foods
Tagged America, Carl's Jr., Doritos, Doritos Locos, Fast Food, Fritos, Hardee's, Ice Cream Sandwich, In-N-Out, McDonalds, Pepsi, Subway, Taco Bell, Wendy's