“Wax on, wax off, w…oh, wait, this is the other movie?”
This American Saturday, we at America Fun Fact of the Day wanted to get a picture of a giraffe with a shotgun shooting a communist. We couldn’t find that though. Instead, here’s a picture from the 3 Ninjas.
Have a good weekend, everybody.
Posted in Saturday Image of the Week
Tagged 3 Ninjas, America, Saturday Image of the Week
“No explanation needed. Just run it.”
~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief
For today’s image of the week, we’re not going to use up precious precious internet words. We’re just going to give you a picture of a pyrotechnic Muppet.
Have a great weekend everyone.
“Yeah, screw you, online book buyers.”
~Borders Employees
Before we go into today’s AFFotD Image of the Week, we wanted to give you, the American reader, some background. As we all know, the economy has led to some tough times for many businesses. Chief among them is the bookseller, Borders, who recently had to close 30% of their stores. Now, who that really sucks for is the American citizens who are now going to be out of a job. Because, honestly, English Graduate students need work too. But, at least they have a good sense of humor about it. As we can see in today’s Image of the Week, which comes to us from a soon-to-be-closed Borders in Chicago.
Yessssss. If you’re going to get laid off, at least do it with a shit-eating grin on your face. God Speed, Borders employee. Let us know who you are, and we will totally buy your self published novel about a former book store manager when it comes out in three years. Have a good weekend, everybody.
Posted in Saturday Image of the Week
Tagged Amazon, America, Book, Book Store, Borders, Borders Closing, Chicago, Saturday Image of the Week
“YES! Perfect! Run with it! You glorious photoshopping son of a bitch, I KNEW we hired you for a reason!”
~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief
We at AFFotD have a healthy scorn for photoshop. While it’s useful for making obscene images of our enemies, it does seem to have a pretty strong “witchcraft” vibe to it.
But we do not have anything bad to say about today’s American Image of the Week.
Look at that, America. Just. Look. At. That.
That, friends, is a shirtless midget with a mustache riding a T-Rex while wearing a cowboy hat. That’s right. We took a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and decided he should be ridden by a shirtless midget.
You’re welcome, America. Have a good weekend.
“Ha, holy shit.”
~The Second Amendment
There’s not much we can say about this, other than. Giant gun. Amazingly giant gun. America.
Holy shit you guys. Giant gun.
This is a gun you use to shoot down planes, and the only thing that really makes us feel even better about this? The red plastic cup on the ground.
That’s right. This guy has been day drinking, and now he’s ready to fire a gun that is larger than he is. And really, since he’s over 45, there’s no need to make a distinction between day drinking and night drinking. At that point, you’re just surviving. Hence the giant gun. We agree with everything in this picture. This is America. God bless. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Posted in Saturday Image of the Week
Tagged America, Gun, Image of the Week, Large Gun, Seriously this Gun is massive, Such a Huge Gun
“I am not saying that I am more manly than Bull Riders. But then again, do you hear them having to deny such claims about me?”
~Teddy Roosevelt
No back story is necessary. Look at this fucking picture.
Just look at that fucking picture.
That’s Teddy Roosevelt riding a moose in water.
It’s like history is just rule 34ing us.
Once our staff saw this picture, we realized that the only American way to respond to such epic glory was to discuss the lost generation of Moose Wranglers, of whom Teddy Roosevelt clearly was their leader.
Moose Wrangling was a short-lived profession in the early 20th century. It was invented by Teddy Roosevelt, whose motto in love was much the same as his motto for nature, “I don’t care how big it is, I’m still riding it.” Due to the sheer borderline-suicidal reckless danger involved in being a Moose Wrangler, combined with the fact that there was absolutely no financial gain to be had by riding a Moose, the profession died out shortly after Teddy Roosevelt became Mount Rushmore.
The first instance of Moose Wrangling occurred as a happy accident, as Teddy Roosevelt, while out Moose hunting, decided to climb upon an unsuspecting Moose to get an effective “up-close and personal” kill shot on the beast. Before he had a chance to pull the trigger, the 1200 pound behemoth began to run, instinctively knowing where Roosevelt wanted to go. Basically he was like that kid in The Neverending Story.
Roosevelt eventually recruited some of the baddest of badasses throughout the Wyoming area (a land with a low population, but the highest number of badass woodsman per capita in the United States) where he formed Roosevelt’s Wild Wrangling Moose Society. When a news reporter asked Roosevelt what possible reason he would have to recruit men to ride around on Moose, Roosevelt replied, “Shut up, that’s why.”
Roosevelt’s Moose Wranglers traveled all across the nation, where they performed a wide assortment of good deeds, like assisting in the establishment of one of America’s first Indian Reservation casinos (shortly after banishing the tribe to an Indian reservation). They saved a few kittens from treetops, and had a moderate role to play in the Allied victory of World War I. But all good things eventually come to an end, and as the last of the Moose Wranglers hung up their specialty-made Moose saddles (only Teddy Roosevelt was man enough to ride without a saddle), they knew it was the end of an era in America.
An era where people rode Moose through rivers just for the flying fuck of it.
Posted in Saturday Image of the Week
Tagged America, Image of the Week, Moose, Mount Rushmore, Rule 34, Teddy Roosevelt
“Hell yes I can jump over a car”
45% of America
Look at you, America. You’re glorious. When Blake Griffin won the slam dunk contest by jumping over a (unfortunately foreign made) car, the good old folks at ESPN decided to ask the question everyone was asking. Could you, average American Joe, do the same thing as a 6 foot 10 inch tall professional athlete? Well, 45% of us, or the 45% most American Americans out there, hear that question and think, “Hell, we’d jump over the damn roof.”
And look at Idaho, Delaware, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island over there. A majority of the Americans there think they can jump over the hood of a goddamn car. And there’s something damn special about that.
So America, as you go about your day, look at the nearest car, and at least allow yourself a moment to think….can I jump that fucker? Because once you blindly assume you can, even when you can’t, then you’ll know you’re truly American.
Posted in Saturday Image of the Week
Tagged America, Blake Griffin, Delaware, Idaho, Jump over a car, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, slam dunk
America Fun Fact of the Day 