Category Archives: America Fun Fact of the Day

America’s Worst Regional Culinary Dishes (Part 1)

“I don’t care if it’s just how your mama used to make it, your mama used to make it WRONG.”

~AFFotD Taste Testers

ummm what

When it comes to the culinary arts, America, and by extension the staff of America Fun Fact of the Day, is a lot like a caterpillar, in that caterpillars don’t know how analogies work.

Wait, no, we can salvage this. American cuisine spent years languishing as underdeveloped and, frankly, sad attempts at inventing dishes that lagged far behind Europe’s more significant and time-tested methods.

Only 85 years ago, Julia Child wrote a book that basically told the country, “Um, so France uses a lot of butter in their food, maybe if we tried that it would taste pretty good too” and people lost their shit so much that they still buy that book to this very day. But eventually our tastes matured, and we burst out of our cocoons to make hundreds of dishes that are insanely unhealthy, undoubtedly American, and still delicious enough that other countries try (and often fail) to replicate on their own.

Part of the beauty of American cooking is how diverse it can be, considering how every single area of this great sprawling nation has its own approach to filling us up. Hell, asking for a simple clam chowder can get you eight different soups, depending on where you are when you ask for it.

Just looking at all the things we can do with the humble hot dog gives you an idea of how inventive and varied we can be when trying to find the most effective ways to give you a quick coronary.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t always translate to successful dishes, and even more unfortunately, some of these failures randomly get embraced as “part of the culture” of various regions in America. This isn’t surprising—with so much good food, America was bound to have some swings and misses. But when we miss, ho boy, do we miss.

But you can’t appreciate the good without being made aware of the bad, so as much as it pains us, we’re here to present to you an unflinching look at…

America’s Worst Regional Culinary Dishes (Part 1)

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Project Horizon: The Time We Tried To Build A Military Base On The Moon

“A Realistic Objective.”

~An Actual Section of a 1959 Proposal To Establish A Permanent Moon Base by 1966.

project horizon

The Space Race was definitely one of the coolest and silliest parts of the entire Cold War. Two Superpowers were tossing around ungodly sums of money to try to make the other nation look stupid due to not being as good at making really cool toys, but it was dealt with an honest-to-God level of severity that equated “Russia going to the moon before we do” as being probably an inevitable lead up to complete nuclear annihilation.

Baby Boomers get a lot of (mostly deserved) flack for constantly complaining about how Millennials, and pretty much every younger generation, had it so much easier than they did and they take things for granted, but we’ll give them this—if we spent our entire childhoods with nuclear weapons literally pointed at our homes so often that we became this numb to the destruction of society, we’d probably feel it was within our rights to complain about how much people use smartphones now, too.

Anyway, when we talk about the existentially terrifying realities of the Cold War, the space race at least feels kind of innocent and, well, awesome. Sure, a lot of it has to do with the fact that we won (USA! USA!) but also because it was about science for the sake of invention, and not finding new, horrific ways to nuke each other into the stone age.

The two most powerful economies at the time spent decades funneling obscene amounts of money into discovering more about our universe, and even when that didn’t always end up as incredible achievements in space travel such as these bad boys, it still resulted in us exploring every planet of the galaxy while accidentally coming up with some useful technology that we use to this day like laptops, dustbusters, and whatever technologies are on the second page of the article we just linked (we were too lazy to get past the first page).

That is to say, the Space Race represented American (and, ugh, occasionally Russian) ingenuity and a passion for discovery that transcended the whole, “Holy shit, we as a species survived more than five years of Lyndon B. Johnson having the ability to nuke the entire planet” scariness of that era.

But the space race wasn’t all about peacefully sticking a middle finger in Communist Russia’s face by planting a flag on the moon and shouting, “FIRST!” We also had some sinister, if not very realistic, plans on using space for our military advantage. Like the time we tried to build a military base on the moon.

Project Horizon: The Time We Tried To Build A Military Base On The Moon

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The History of the Senior Professional Baseball Association

“Even to make love, you need experience.”

~Pedro Ramos, 54-year-old pitcher for the Senior Professional Baseball Association.  Seriously.

legends baseball

As a nation, we have more options for live sporting events than we know what to do with. Between high school, college, and professional levels of football, baseball, basketball, and sure, hockey, Americans could conceivably see a live sporting event every single day of the year without even having to consider lowering themselves to watch a Major League Soccer match.

But with so many games at our disposal, we’ve reached a bit of a saturation point, and trying to add another league to the market is practically impossible. Remember the XFL? A multi-millionaire tried to make a new football league, and even with a player named “He Hate Me” basically got laughed out of existence in less than a year.

It’s hard to start a sporting league now and really get enough interest to keep it in existence. Never was that more obvious than in 1989 when real-estate millionaire Jim Morley decided to start the Senior Professional Baseball Association.

What’s the SPBA, you ask?

Well, unfortunately for those of us that have to type it out, they didn’t call it that. It went by “The Senior League.”

But the Senior League was a short lived (it lasted one-and-a-half seasons) winter professional baseball league that took place entirely in Florida with players who had to be older than 35 (except the catchers, who could be 32).

And it is probably one of the most delightfully batshit leagues to have ever been played in these United States. So let’s go on a history lesson, shall we?

The History of the Senior Professional Baseball Association

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Samuel Wilson- The Man Who Was (More or Less) Uncle Sam

Why do people keep asking me about green eggs and ham, dammit?”

~Uncle Sam

 uncle sam

America is a young enough nation that history can pretty accurately tell us about our founders, with some embellishment and omissions because if we’re being honest and cynical enough we can admit that history writers used to pretty much be the old time equivalent of PR agents.

But we know a lot about the lives of the people that helped create this nation. We know about George Washington’s wooden teeth (which is a myth), we know that Benjamin Franklin flew a kite with a key on it to discover electricity (which was also probably a myth) and we know about Paul Revere riding through the streets warning “The British are coming” (also bullshit).

Okay, so these are some bad examples.

But the point is, the people that represent America, people like Washington, Jefferson, and Monroe, are at least historical figures that we know a decent amount about.

Which is why it’s interesting that we don’t often talk about Uncle Sam, the finger-pointing goateed patriot who is basically timeshares with bald eagles to be America’s mascot.

That’s because we just assume he was an invention created to get people to support various war efforts. But most of us don’t really think much about his actual origin. Sure, you might point to Columbia or Brother Jonathan as examples of America-personifying precursors, but you’d have to be a very specific type of person to both know about those examples and want to nerd out over it. But for the rest of us, not only does Uncle Sam have a relatively rich history, but he’s actually based on a real person.

So let’s talk about Samuel Wilson, the man who actually was Uncle Sam. Well, at least officially.

Samuel Wilson- The Man Who Was (More or Less) Uncle Sam

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America’s Most Terrifying Sports Mascots

“KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE!  I mean, GO TEAM GO!”

~Sport Fans

louisville what

We as a nation love sports, because nothing is more American than watching people more physically fit then us compete against each other while we arbitrarily root for one over the other based on where we grew up, who we married, where we went to school, or what team seemed good because you are not going to subject yourself to a life of being a Cleveland Browns fan no matter how much it breaks your father’s heart.

But apparently watching grown men concuss each other into depression, or throw a ball every once and a while for three hours while you drink beer, isn’t enough entertainment for our attention craving minds, which is why American sports teams decided to bring mascots into the game.

Arguably the first sports mascot was this terrifying fucking bear from the 1908 Chicago Cubs, which probably ended up devouring the souls of everyone on the team and cursing them to never win another World Series, but since then mascots have spread across all sports (especially in college athletics) and run the gambit from cute to hilarious to stupid to actual live animals that poop on the field and everything.

There is another category for mascots, however. Fucking terrifying ones. Thankfully, modern mascot design technology has advanced a long way since we had that Louisville Cardinal mascot you see above that looks like someone killed a Muppet and started wearing its skin.

We can make just about anything into a mascot with moderate success. But sometimes, either in idea or execution, we end up with horror movie like monstrosities that are still paraded on the field week after week to urge on their team while the cheerleaders huddle in fear, sobbing, “From Hell, it’s from Hell.”

Here is a list of actual mascots that will give you nightmares tonight. We’re so sorry.

America’s Most Terrifying Sports Mascots

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Goddamn It…France? You’re Doing It Wrong: The France Five Mini-Series

“Wait, it’s a weird low budget version of Power Rangers and it’s NOT made by Japan? Oh, but they air it in Japan, okay that makes sense at least.”

~AFFotD’s Television Critic

 france five

We talk about Japan a lot on this site. The simple truth of the matter is, we fear what we don’t understand, and we don’t understand raw horse meat ice cream.

So when we did bath salts with one of those homeless people that sells bootleg DVDs off an old rug in Chinatown and we woke up to find the Wikipedia page for Shin Kenjushi France Five on our tabs, we were frankly shocked that this was not an instance of “Goddamn it, Japan.”

Because the show is French and it is mindfuckingly insane.

It’s technically a mini-series of six episodes but, in what is frankly only middle-of-the-road in terms of the insanity behind this project, it was aired over the course of 13 years.

That’s right, they had a single episode a year in 2000, 2001, and 2002 before taking a year off until 2004 and releasing the last two in 2012 and 2013, because clearly the French public was clamoring for a French Five Power Rangers spoof revival. There’s so much to take on here, and we don’t even trust ourselves to give you every delicious morsel of insanity, but we’ll do our best. Here goes nothing.

Goddamn It…France?  You’re Doing It Wrong:  The France Five Mini-Series

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Annie Londonderry, America’s First Star Cyclist

“I like to ride my bicycle.”

~Queen

annie londonderry

The average American exercises only four times a year, terrified with the knowledge that a fifth instance of physical excursion would cause their chest to explode and shower the room with under-digested hot Cheetos.

Don’t hold us to that, but we’re pretty sure we’re right. And if we’re wrong, don’t tell our doctor because otherwise he’d probably start giving us shit for our lifestyle choices. However, some Americans are immune to this totally-not-made-up-by-us exercise allergy. In fact, some manage to get themselves out there past all the marathons and Tough Mudders to find truly badass ways to get their sweat on.

One of those intrepid athletes? Annie “Londonderry” Kopchovsky, the woman who biked around the world in 1894.

Annie Londonderry, America’s First Star Cyclist

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5 Super Bowl Halftime Performances That Have Aged Horribly

“Oh thank God, now I can go to the bathroom.”

~Super Bowl viewers during the halftime show

black eyed peas super bowl

Hey! The Super Bowl is just a few days away! It’s the one time of the year where you absolutely know, unequivocally, that you’re going to be suffering at work the following Monday, and you know it’ll be absolutely worth it.

Super Bowl Sunday is a day filled with the beer and snacks and a statistically-probably-underwhelming football game, and it’s the closest to a live national spectacle as you can find in this fine nation.

Everyone watches the Super Bowl, everyone has stronger than necessary opinions about the importance or unimportance of Super Bowl commercials, and everyone wishes that the party they were at had 30 bathrooms once the Super Bowl Halftime show begins, because the only person who actually gives a shit about the Super Bowl Halftime show is your friend’s girlfriend that no one in your group of friends really likes, who is really into Katy Perry to the point that it’s kind of uncomfortable.

Otherwise, the Halftime Show is an extremely expensive spectacle that’s just a waste of fucking time. The phenomenon of people looking for something more interesting to watch during Halftime directly contributed to the existence of both the Puppy Bowl and a women-in-lingerie football league that still exists to this day.

However, the Halftime Show does serve as an interesting indicator of our nation’s culture. Like, in the mid 00’s we were terrified of breasts on live television, so we went with safe performances by old rockers in their 50s and 60s.

Last year, we were way into uncoordinated sharks, apparently. There are a lot of memorable Super Bowl Halftime performances. And there are also the Black Eyed Peas, but we managed to get drunk enough by halftime that year that we blissfully have no memory of it.

What we’re trying to say is that Super Bowl Halftime Shows are very much a product of their times. Sometimes that can prove to be ageless, like Michael Jackson destroying the Rose Bowl at the peak of his stardom. And sometimes…well, sometimes you get…

5 Super Bowl Halftime Performances That Have Aged Horribly

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American Sausage: Miscellaneous Sausages

I just can’t get over the fact that Cincinnati eats their sausages with grape jelly.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt, after part 4 of this series

 grilled sausage

We’ve been talking a lot about sausages the past few weeks. Like, a lot.

There are dozens of types of sausage out there, even when you include the hundred or so varieties that haven’t made their way to America yet. In fact, we managed to find 25 different types of sausages that were either created in America, or were brought over from Germany (or other countries, but let’s be honest here, mostly Germany) and adopted by America as something that’s worth stuffing into your sin hole (that’s what we’ve been trying to call mouths this year. In retrospect it probably wasn’t our best idea).

Twenty sausage varieties have already been discussed, leaving us going into the homestretch to take all of the leftover sausages we had and “stuff” their “meat” into the “casing” of our final entry in this article series.

(Did you see what we did there, or were we too subtle? Subtle about the “this category is like the sausage of sausage varieties” thing?)

American Sausage Series Part 5: Miscellaneous Sausages

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The World’s Saddest Cuisines: Armenia

“Oh, sweet mother of…”

~The average American looking at an Armenian restaurant menu

armenian food

We recently began a new article series where we described to you some of the most terrifying and, well, depressing national cuisines around the world. We started things off with Latvia, because we felt like you hadn’t had a good cry in a long time.

This time around, we’re going to take our xenophobic discussion of gross food that is weird and wrong compared to American food all the way to Armenia, where everything is soup, and everything is awful.

We’ll also be going pretty hard out of our way to avoid making jokes about that whole “Armenian genocide” thing because, as a general rule of thumb, genocide jokes are not funny and they never will be funny until douchebags who aggressively hit on their bartenders become their own ethnic group.

The World’s Saddest Cuisines:  Armenia

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