“Haha, holy shit, I did not mean to do that.”
The world is filled with mysterious events that often defy explanation. As much as we crave order and reason, there are still occurrences out there that we can only guess the causes of. The Bermuda Triangle, the last flight of Amelia Earhart, Angelina Jolie’s marriage to Billy Bob Thorton, all of these are riddles that may never provide us with an answer. Sometimes, these mysteries are mundane or eerie. And sometimes, there are mysteries that are so American we have no choice but to embrace them.
Like, for example, an event involving meat raining down from the sky. When something like that happens in America, you know we at AFFotD are ready to spring into action and inform the living hell out of you all. Really, there’s no stopping us from teaching you about…
The History of the Kentucky Meat Shower
“You’re never gonna take me alive, AFFotD fuckers!”
Our undercover investigative journalist, [REDACTED] has been through a lot. We forced him to eat at a Vegan restaurant, which is the very reason why we can’t in good conscience list his name here, then after a quick apology party we got him to sign over, essentially, his soul. We made him write about cricket, and about opera, and finally, he snapped.
We didn’t hear a word from him for a week, until our specially calibrated American hunting dogs found an unusually large amount of America around the Chicagoland area. Sure enough, that’s where [REDACTED] had been hiding out. After we sent in the hounds (ha ha, don’t worry, they weren’t really hounds. They were more of a wolves/huskie hybrid) we were able to bring in [REDACTED] and get his story behind his one week spent, as he put it, “Trying to get my America back on, you cocksuckers.”
Here is his tale.
Posted in [REDACTED]
Tagged Alligator, America, Bambi, Beaches, Beer Pong, Chi-Rish, Chicago, Cricket, Deer, Green Beer, Hot Doug's, Lake Michigan, Les Miserables, Losing your Mind, Miller Lite, Opera, Redacted, Slinger, Snapping, The Who, Tommy, Traveling Billboard, Vegan, Venison