“Insert quote for Sunday.”
~Automated America Bot
Yeah, yeah, it’s fall. It’s sort of bullshit. It’s getting darker earlier, and colder too. Shut up, California and Florida. Ugh. Anyway, it’s Sunday, which means its the part of the week where we here at AFFotD tell you what has happened on this day in the past. Woot.
“It’s Sunday, Sunday, heroin between your toes.”
~Rebecca Black
Sundays are the day of rest, where we sit back, start day drinking at nine in the morning, and sometimes drive places. And while our staff members are considering how to tell their wives about the public intoxication ticket they were served the previous night, we here at AFFotD are once again here to present you with…
Today’s Date in American History (American Edition)
“So…very Sunday.”
~…AFFotD’s staff?
The weekend. It’s a time to fight off “sleep” with “alcohol” so you can “make questionable decisions” at the “expense of your long term health.” It also tends to “involve” using “excessive” “quotation marks around phrases.”
So it’s of course time for us to shake off the terrible, terrible hangovers afflict us on a day-to-day basis and present you…
Today’s Date in American History
“Goddamn it, it’s labor day. Why are you in the office?”
~Johnny Roosevelt
As you may be aware, tomorrow is Labor Day. So not only is no one working today, but no one is even thinking of working tomorrow either. We’re pretty much the same way. So we’re going to do our standard...
Today’s Date in American History
“Last Sunday in August…no need to change things now…”
~Johnny Roosevelt
Look at that map up there. This is the last Sunday in the month of August 2011. This will be the last Sunday ever in an August in the year 2011. Let that sink in.
Sunk in? Good. Now it’s time for the normal.
Today’s Date in American history (America Edition)
“Hungover. Today in history. We’ve done this before.”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt
One of our writers today was driving on the highway. He was going about 80 in a 55, because, you know, America. The next thing he knows, there’s this BMW that starts speeding up on his ass. It practically drove him off the rode. As the car sped off in the distance, he saw the asshole’s license plate- it was a vanity plate (of course) that simply said… “MANLY.”
That makes us all so very happy. Anyway, here’s…
Today’s Date in American History (American Edition)
“Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Hangover, hangover, hangover!”
~Demolition Derby Announcers
America Fun Fact of the Day is nothing but predictable. We’ll talk about British people looting, and we’ll talk about brew masters pissing in glasses. But one area where we’re predictable as shit is that you know on Saturdays you’re going to get an image of the week, and Sundays you know you’re gonna get a recap of what happened on that particular day in history. You know this is going to happen. And if this too “meta” for you, well, fucking deal. Fucking. Deal.
Anyway, back to our tradition of posting hungover as shit and telling you what happened during…
Today’s American Day in American History
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Goose Island, Looting, Riots, Today in American History
“Halfway through summer, eh wikipedia? Keep that asshole winter out of here.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
Yup, summer is apparently halfway over, which sort of sucks, but means we still have a lot of summer left in America. There’s plenty of time for barbeques and fireworks and knife fights in dimly lit back alleys, so we’re going to just make sure we appreciate it. And speaking of back alley knife fights…we’ve got one coming up soon. So for now you’re going to have to get your American fix with some…
Today’s date in American history
“End of July, end of the week, end of me caring. Just post one of those day in history dealies.”
~Johnny Roosevelt
As July comes to a close, Americans are in the middle of Bar-B-Q season. Meat is being seared by greenhouse gasses and it tickles us pink at the AFFotD offices. So much so that we just use the term “tickles us pink” without a hint of irony. And we hate that phrase as much as you do. Trust us.
Sundays are for grilling. Today is Sunday. So we’re not going to waste our time writing about “things” so instead we’ll just write about American things that have happened today in history. Because we are obsessed with the past, and are haunted by things we cannot change. Those hollow eyes. They once saw, now they are blind.
Wait, what?
Today’s Day in American History
“You want us to do a fun fact? We’re too busy getting the ambulances on stand-by for when we celebrate July 4th, dammit.”
~AFFotD staff
As the cases of beers in your fridge and the excessive amounts of meat in your freezers are now doubt telling you, tomorrow is the goddamned 4th of July. You’re going to be drunk on beer, fireworks, and more beer. We will too. The difference is that we love to pregame. So we’re just going to bide our tie with…
Today’s American Day in American History (America Edition)
America Fun Fact of the Day 