“I feel more connected to my team and engaged in this sporting event for reasons totally unrelated to arousal!”
~American Males Watching Cheerleaders at a Sporting Event
Nothing celebrates the flower of American womanhood quite like cheerleading. We take athletic, energetic, scantily clad women, and have them hypnotize predominantly male audiences at sporting events into learning how to spell team names. We also decided to create a bitter, occasionally violent, rivalry between them and girl volleyball players, because hey, cat fight. It’s a beautiful tradition that our nation embraces wholeheartedly, and it’s what separates us from the goddamn Europeans. However, the names of most of these teams are so embarrassing that those of us with a weak stomach for poorly misplaced puns sometimes question if it’s even worth it. That’s why we’re here, with the help of some outside research from an intrepid AFFotD supporter who felt that “the people HAVE to know” to run down the best and worst of the Cheer Squad names in America. Well, it’s more like the so-so and the worst. Okay most of them are just plain awful. Let’s move on and post some pictures of women not wearing a lot of clothing to skyrocket the page views for this sucker then, shall we?
America’s Best (And Worst) Cheer Squad Team Names
Posted in Athletes
Tagged 2012 olympics, America, Atlanta Falcons, Baseball, Basketball, Bring It On, Carolina Panthers, cheer squads, Cheerleaders, cheerleading, Chicago Bears, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Cowboys, Dance Group, Football, Hockey, Ice Crew, Miami Dolphins, MLB, NBA, New Jersey Jets, New Orleans Saints, NFL, NHL, Sports
“Of course there’s a quote about me describing the taste of Lion meat. I’m Ernest Fucking Hemingway”
~Ernest “Fucking” Hemingway
Typically, news outlets enjoy blowing stories out of proportion if they feel they’ve stumbled upon a particularly juicy tidbit of information. Much like a 7th grade cabal of gossipy girls, they employ the “he told me that she told me that he wants to” methods of knowledge transference. “Jimmy’s sister told Obama’s Press Secretary told a New York Times Reporter told The Associated Press that Nancy Pelosi totally shook hands with John Edwards OMG!” Sensationalism sells. And one particular hot topic appears to be the consumption of a meat that we at the AFFotD want to try, just because we’re pretty sure it will give us powers. But apparently mentioning it as a consumable food is enough to warrant death threats and the ire of a whole slew of the population.
And really, we must ask. What the hell is wrong with wanting to eat some goddamn lion meat?
It’s either us or them…