Yes, of course! Turn it into a cartoon! The kids will love it! This coke is amazing I AM INVINSIBLE!”
~Television Executives of the 80s and 90s
If there’s anything you should take away from our recent article discussing the horrendous movie sequels you didn’t know existed, it’s that nothing is sacred and artistic integrity is a lie we tell ourselves when we watch the first two Godfather movies while pretending that Sophia Coppola never acted. It’s good that we ripped that Band-Aid off quickly because things are going to get worse from here. No, we’re not going to list another set of American-Psycho-2-esque horrendous sequels.
We’re going to talk about your favorite movies turned into baffling, strange, and unnecessary Saturday Morning Cartoons.
Yes, while you were enjoying a happy childhood where your weekends were spent watching GI Joe and Doug, the powers that be decided that your favorite movies should also be cheaply animated and interspersed with commercials for Breakfast cereals. Who cares if the original material is “Rated R” or “features pee-wee hockey players, not giant duck aliens, you fucking maniac”? Cartoons are cheap to make, dammit, and it’s not like an animated series could do any more damage to the Police Academy series than Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach has done already.
Below are the list of America’s most unnecessary animated spin-offs. And holy hell, are they unnecessary.
The Most Absurd Animated Spin-Offs of Classic Movies
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged Ace Ventura, Aliens, America, animated spin-offs, animated tv shows, Beetlejuice, Dumb and Dumber, Friday, Friday: The Animated Series, Jim Carrey, Michael Winslow, Movies, Police Academy, Police Academy: The Series, Puckworld, Rambo, Rambo: The Force of Freedom, Robocop, RoboCop: Alpha Commando, RoboCop: The Animated Series, saturday morning cartoons, Steve Guttenberg, The Mask, The Mighty Ducks, The Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series, The Unpublished Novel That Haunts You
“It’s Friday, Friday, Heroin between my toes.”
America loves the weekend in the same way that an alcoholic loves unemployment- when you do it right, sure, you might be hurting down the road, but it’s still the best situation you can imagine yourself in at any given time. The weekend is a magical time where you can throw caution in the wind, cut loose, and (internally) laugh at people stuck working in the service industry. In a study by AFFotD researchers (you can usually spot them by their long, white beards being in such stark contrast to their American flag leather jackets) we found that 95% of all alcohol related puking is a direct result of the weekend (the other 5% is attributed to sadness. Just so much sadness.)
Unfortunately, many Americans don’t know how to properly celebrate the weekend, simply stumbling around asking stupid questions like, “Should I have a beer?” or getting punched by AFFotD staffers after they say, “Well I should get to bed fairly early, those estate sales aren’t going to find themselves!” That’s why we’re here to tell you how to be irresponsible American in the most effective way possible.
Stand back, and prepare for the knowledge bomb.
AFFotD’s Official Guide for an Appropriately Insane American Weekend