Yes, of course! Turn it into a cartoon! The kids will love it! This coke is amazing I AM INVINSIBLE!”
~Television Executives of the 80s and 90s
If there’s anything you should take away from our recent article discussing the horrendous movie sequels you didn’t know existed, it’s that nothing is sacred and artistic integrity is a lie we tell ourselves when we watch the first two Godfather movies while pretending that Sophia Coppola never acted. It’s good that we ripped that Band-Aid off quickly because things are going to get worse from here. No, we’re not going to list another set of American-Psycho-2-esque horrendous sequels.
We’re going to talk about your favorite movies turned into baffling, strange, and unnecessary Saturday Morning Cartoons.
Yes, while you were enjoying a happy childhood where your weekends were spent watching GI Joe and Doug, the powers that be decided that your favorite movies should also be cheaply animated and interspersed with commercials for Breakfast cereals. Who cares if the original material is “Rated R” or “features pee-wee hockey players, not giant duck aliens, you fucking maniac”? Cartoons are cheap to make, dammit, and it’s not like an animated series could do any more damage to the Police Academy series than Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach has done already.
Below are the list of America’s most unnecessary animated spin-offs. And holy hell, are they unnecessary.
The Most Absurd Animated Spin-Offs of Classic Movies
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged Ace Ventura, Aliens, America, animated spin-offs, animated tv shows, Beetlejuice, Dumb and Dumber, Friday, Friday: The Animated Series, Jim Carrey, Michael Winslow, Movies, Police Academy, Police Academy: The Series, Puckworld, Rambo, Rambo: The Force of Freedom, Robocop, RoboCop: Alpha Commando, RoboCop: The Animated Series, saturday morning cartoons, Steve Guttenberg, The Mask, The Mighty Ducks, The Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series, The Unpublished Novel That Haunts You
“There are new shirts from The Mountain? Oh my God, I’m so excited right now. So so excited.”
~AFFotD Editor-In-Chief Johnny Roosevelt after a Mountain Dew and Purple Drank binge
There are a few landmark cultural events that are forever burned into our memories. They were momentous occasions that defined a nation and shaped every single one of us in the best ways possible. The appeal of prohibition. Neil Armstrong’s moon walk. The first bottle of American Honey hitting store shelves. All of these pale in comparison to The Mountain designing and pressing the Three Wolves T-Shirt. Finally, a shirt that could only be enhanced by the addition of potato chip grease stains, a shirt that ranged in size from “no you’re going to want something larger than large” all the way to “XXX-Large.” It combined all the raw American predatory energy of wolves with howling and the moon to create a piece of tailored fabric that apparently causes American super powers.
But Americans are never content to do one thing great, and the creative minds at The Mountain were no different. When they introduced their Big Face Animal series, we were right there sifting through the Funyuns and weed smoke to show you biking pigs and space gorillas. And then, earlier this year, we got up from our La-Z-Boys, put some ointment on our bed sores, and shared with you our thoughts of the second batch of shirts designed by these cowboy hat wearing geniuses.
Recently, as we were going through their site looking for Christmas presents for our friends, families, and the one guy on our mailing list that won’t stop messaging us with cryptic demands that we write about the Solar System more, we could hardly contain our excitement when we saw that the 2013 Big Face Animal collection was out and available for purchase. Because apparently if you’re going to be releasing T-shirts of giant kitten faces, you have to release them a year in advance. You know, like a Kia.
But look at us, babbling on when we could be showing you pictures of giant bee faces. Behold, the 2013 Mountain T-Shirt collection! Continue reading