“It’s Friday, Friday, Heroin between my toes.”
America loves the weekend in the same way that an alcoholic loves unemployment- when you do it right, sure, you might be hurting down the road, but it’s still the best situation you can imagine yourself in at any given time. The weekend is a magical time where you can throw caution in the wind, cut loose, and (internally) laugh at people stuck working in the service industry. In a study by AFFotD researchers (you can usually spot them by their long, white beards being in such stark contrast to their American flag leather jackets) we found that 95% of all alcohol related puking is a direct result of the weekend (the other 5% is attributed to sadness. Just so much sadness.)
Unfortunately, many Americans don’t know how to properly celebrate the weekend, simply stumbling around asking stupid questions like, “Should I have a beer?” or getting punched by AFFotD staffers after they say, “Well I should get to bed fairly early, those estate sales aren’t going to find themselves!” That’s why we’re here to tell you how to be irresponsible American in the most effective way possible.
Stand back, and prepare for the knowledge bomb.
AFFotD’s Official Guide for an Appropriately Insane American Weekend