“Wow, we’ve made it a year in one piece? And only 15 mail bomb attempts to boot. I’m surprised.”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
Below, please find a message from AFFotD’s Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt.
Greetings you glorious American sons of bitches.
Exactly one year ago, on this day, we burst out of the womb of not-being-on-the-internet and unleashed enough swear words to melt exactly three Warren Beattys. Ever since then, we’ve been unleashing uncaged knowledge on y’all like some sort of American Rain Man (only instead of using our powers to win at blackjack, we just make dick jokes on the internet).
And since then we have held true to the name. America Fun Fact of the Day. Every day. Yes there have been the occasional divorces, a handful (ha! handful…if only) of liver failures, and oh so many CIA inquiries. But we’ve weathered through it all, throat punching the police when need be.
So we know you’ve become accustomed to certain things from us. A post every day. Saturday images of the week. Sunday “Today in American History” posts. Crass jokes that are eerily fixated on unhealthy alcohol consumption.
Well I am here to announce that all of that is a thing of the past (expect the booze jokes that’s pretty much all we got going from us to distinguish us from a patriotic under-researched version of cracked.com). Yes, we will no longer be posting every day. And we will no longer be posting daily. And we will no longer be posting on the weekend.
“How dare you limit our free intellectual content!” you are no doubt screaming. “I am enraged almost as much as I am about this whole facebook timeline thing!” Woah, calm down there. Yes, you’ll be getting less America, but you’ll still be getting the same quality of America.
Tired of reading half-assed 500 word articles? Those will be gone. Every article will be sterling fool’s gold. There will be patent articles and weird, almost aggressively personal angry rants against other websites. And fried foods. And booze.
Of course we’ll still be active every day giving you fun facts. Make sure to “like” our facebook page (ughh that hurts my soul just saying that), or, if you’re cheating on Demi Moore, make sure to follow us on twitter. But more importantly, stay tuned. We’ll still be here. And honestly, three articles a week is still something. We’re not abandoning you. So check in every day. You might find something new.
I thank our loyal readers for tuning in and learning things about what beer brewer pees in what bars, and hopefully you’ll continue to tune in as we post more brilliantly, less frequently.
And honestly, isn’t moderate apathy just the most American you can get?
Time to take a 40 for our writers who ain’t here anymore. Peace.
~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief