“*begins seizing from sugar overdose*”
~AFFotD’s official product taste tester
America loves candy so much that we wrote a kind of annoying song about how much we want it back in 1965, and we’ve not shut up about it since. There’s something comforting about mainlining sugar into your veins, no matter how often Japan tries to ruin the concept.
And, in the gluttonous nature of American know-how that we like to champion, America also loves giant food that doesn’t need to be quite so giant. Naturally, these two schools of thought have collided on many occasions, because a giant candy bar is much cooler than a giant stalk of celery, mom.
In this enterprising spirit, we’re here to salute America’s giant candy confections, but we’re not going to simply stick with some Guinness book of world records bullshit.
Sure, we could spend a few thousand words telling you about the 12,000 pound chocolate bar made by Chicago’s World Finest Chocolates, or the 7,000 pound lollipop made by See’s Candies out in Burlingame, California, but what good does that do you, the reader?
It might impress you, but does it give you the opportunity to go out, find something horribly unhealthy, and devour it in one sitting in what will probably prove to be the last and greatest mistake you ever made in your sugar-shortened life?
Hell no! So we’re going to stick with the world’s largest candy items that you, yes you, irresponsible you, can purchase this very moment.
After all, you’re an adult, you can and have eaten cake for breakfast because you make your own rules and, hey, we’re all going to die someday, and overdosing on sucrose doesn’t sound much worse than drowning.