Tag Archives: pumpkin spice

America’s Worst Pumpkin Spice Latte-Flavored Products

“You can’t spell ‘basic’ without ‘PSL.’”

~Wait Actually You Can

psl candy

Pumpkin Spice Latte is a combination of words that usually can be seen in conjunction with phrases like, “Those damn Millennials” and, “Got no respect for their elders.”  We’re not going to talk about Pumpkin Spice Lattes being good, bad, or appearing on menus earlier and earlier each year because you’ve all read a dozen of mouth-breathing articles on that topic already.  Pumpkin Spice Lattes are, at the end of the day, one of those things that a lot of people get mad about when they really shouldn’t.  Like, some people like to drink coffee that has cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves and allspice in it during the Fall, why…why should we care one way or the other?  Like, we’re seriously asking here, did your family get killed in a cinnamon farming accident, or are you just knee-jerk reacting to some trend that’s popular among people who are younger than you?

Anyway, the point being, we’re not here to shit on you if you enjoy yourself a nice PSL from time to time.  You do you.  But even if the days of the Pumpkin Spice Latte are waning, and the PSL will soon to join Uggs as retired totems of basicness, companies are still trying to wring each little ounce of profit out of the PSL craze, which, unfortunately, has given us a lot of pumpkin spice products that should never exist.

So while we support you and your right to a Pumpkin Spice Latte on a nice fall day, we do not support these products, which take pumpkin spice to terrifying, gross places.

America’s Worst Pumpkin Spice Latte-Flavored Products

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M&M’s Grossest Flavors of All Time

“They melt in your heart, not in your OH MOTHER OF GOD SOMETHING HAS GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.”

~Rejected M&M slogan

M&Ms

In 1941, Forrest Mars, Sr., son of the Mars Company founder Frank C. Mars, patented a process for tempering a hard shell of chocolate around chocolate pellets in order to prevent the candies from melting.  Production immediately began under the name M&M Limited (named for Mars and Bruce Murrie, the son of the president of Hershey’s chocolate with a 20% stake in the product), with an agreement to only use Hershey chocolate.  These button-shaped candies exploded in popularity during the second World War due to their durability, and the shells were given bright colors such as yellow, green, red, and violet to go along with standard brown-colored shells.  And with that, an American institution was created.

These “m” printed candies are now sold in over 100 countries, but remain the most popular to-go chocolate snack for Americans everywhere.  The simple elegance of the coated milk chocolate delivers a burst of flavor with each individual candy, and just thinking about M&Ms while reading this article has you saying, “Goddamn it, I really want a bag of M&M’s right now.”  And you should.

Throughout the years we’ve been sampling the best of America, we’ve learned through painful, gut-wrenching trial and error, that sometimes the best American ideas are cruelly marred by our at-times overzealous imaginations.  Yes, the same good intentions and terrible execution that gave us Watermelon Oreos has befallen the perfection that is the M&M candy.  And, as is our sworn duty, we are here to let you know that these mistakes exist, because it’s only when we see those we care about at their ugliest that we can truly learn to love their beauty.  Or we just like telling you about terrifying candies.  However you want to look at it.

M&M’s Grossest Flavors of All Time

 printed m&ms

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