“And the Oscar goes to…white men running on a beach in slow-motion? Oh sorry, we mean, uh, Chariots of Fire! Wait, really, they chose that?”
~Loretta Young in 1982
This week we have shared with you two articles that went through every Best Picture winner in the Academy Awards in the 1970s to determine which films get to keep their trophy, and which have to give them up to another film. How did we determine this? Hindsight and our own extremely arbitrary opinions, of course. Frankly, we were a bit surprised and disappointed that there wasn’t more chaos in reassigning the awards from the 70’s.
Five movies kept their Oscars and with the exception of one year, the highest IMDB user rating came away with the revised award. Today, we continue our “oh shit, this is taking a lot more work than we expected when we pitched it” series by delving into the first half of the 1980s, year-by-year, with the expectation that the 1980s’ increase in film production quality (and, you know, cocaine) will lead to more insanity.
And here we again will remind you what to expect from this article. We list each year by the actual year of the Academy Award ceremony (meaning that for each year, we are talking about films released the prior year. The 1980 award, for example, covers only films that came out in 1979).
We will also say what other films were nominated, and will show the IMDB user rating next to each film’s name. We are aware that IMDB users are not necessarily the most logical bunch, and the rating doesn’t necessarily dictate what films we choose, but it is a factor, albeit one of many. In some instances, we will have found that the Academy got it right the first time, but more often than not we’ll be giving the award to another film, be that film previously nominated or not.
So let’s dive in, nose first, to the 1980s and take away some hard-earned Oscars!
Re-Awarding the Academy Award for Best Picture (1980-1984)
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day, Re-Awarding the Academy Award for Best Picture (1970-2009)
Tagged Academy Awards, All That Jazz, America, Apocalypse Now, Atlantic City, Blade Runner, Breaking Away, Chariots of Fire, Coal Miner's Daughter, E.T., Empire Strikes Back, Gandhi, Kramer vs. Kramer, Missing, Norma Rae, On Golden Pond, Ordinary People, Oscars, Raging Bull, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Re-Awarding the Oscars, Reds, Scarface, Tender Mercies, Terms of Endearment, Tess, The Big Chill, The Dresser, The Elephant Man, The Right Stuff, The Verdict, Tootsie
“Where the hell am I? Why am I tied up? Why does it smell like baby powder? WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE BABY POWDER!?”
~Bruce Willis, Security officer of AFFotD, yesterday
Ladies and gentlemen, to quote Gandhi, shit just got real. At AFFotD, we have on occasion offended groups that we perceived to “have a sense of humor” or “not really matter because Serbians don’t really count as people.” And while we take our fair share of blame (for example, while our Elizabeth Smart jokes were pretty good digs on Mormonism, the route we took was pretty offensive to women and people with any hint of a sense of shame) we also think that everyone is sort of overreacting to this shit. Not to pull the “they’re asking for it” card, but…come on guys. This is America, we’re going to make fun of people who are not American enough to meet our strict standards of Americanness. All we’re saying is, if Spaniards don’t want to be called lazy, they shouldn’t have all their stores close for two hours in the afternoon so everyone can have a nap. It’s called an economy, not preschool, assholes. But yet, there are a bunch of Spanish people outside our offices with picket signs that look very threatening. As Americans we can’t understand the Spanish because, seriously guys? Learn English. But the signs are written in red and they have upside down exclamation points, which we’re guessing is a reference to lynching.
As is the America Fun Fact of the Day custom, we sent out a few interns to see what would happen, and sure enough they were torn apart faster than that horse in the pilot episode of “The Walking Dead.” The protesters dug into them like David Hasselhoff digs into a Wendy’s hamburger- it was messy, there was partial nudity, and alcohol had to be involved. We tried to get the cops involved but they said they couldn’t charge them with anything because publically murdering interns in a parking lot only warrants a 100 dollar littering ticket. Which really pissed us off because we should have remembered that from last year’s Christmas party.
So yes, we’ve pissed off a few people. Though I have no idea why there are so many Ukrainian people out there. Sure, we mentioned Chernobyl the other day, but we really don’t know why they reacted the way they did. (Ha, reacted. Reactor. Kaboom.)
To make a long story short, we got kidnapped by a shitton of Ukrainians today, which is why we’re not tackling any hard-hitting topic like Blizzards or Steak . It was hard to tell how many there were, since they were all wearing masks (not like it would matter since all Ukrainians look the same anyway, amiright!?) but they got in through the air ducts. They shot security officer Bruce Willis with a tranquilizer dart while he was taking part in our weekly “office man-versus-bear fight” just to limit the amount of potential rouge staffers going around and picking off their crew one by one while barefoot. When the bear saw Willis go down, it was so surprised that it jumped out of the window, assuming it was supposed to die in the fight. But that’s beside the point.
Posted in America Fun Fact of the Day
Tagged America, Andy Dick, Bruce Willis, Chernobyl, David Carradine, David Hasselhoff, Don't Taze Me Bro, Elizabeth Smart, Gandhi, John Goodman, monkey, Mormons, Spaniards, The Walking Dead, Tony Stewart, Ukrainians, Wendy's