Tag Archives: Warren Buffett

The American States Of America: The Most American Qualities Of Every State (Part 8 of 10)

“We have hookers, gambling, and no actual open container laws.  Oh sorry, is that the sound of you booking a ticket?”

~Residents of Las Vegas

america states of america

PART EIGHT

When one of our readers asked us to list every state in America and tell him the most American part about each one, he expected an email with a list of fifty sentences like “Illinois gets you fat” and “New Yorkers don’t like us anymore because of how much we made fun of them in this article series.”  What he didn’t expect was 10,000 words spread out over seven articles with the promise of writing three more no matter how many emails we get saying things like, “Pleeease, just stop, we don’t care what you think, go back to writing about expensive vodka or something” and, “I don’t appreciate all these Texas jokes, you’re dead motherfucker.”

Well, we have ten more states, which means we have ten more chances to make a bad impression.  So let’s start with…

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America’s Greatest Resumes

“The best way to get hired is to be drunk and illiterate.”

~Warren Buffett

The past few years have been a rough time for those seeking employment in America.  We know that we at the AFFotD offices sometimes have been guilty of rubbing in our plush jobs in the faces of normal Americans looking for work.  While they’re left subsiding on Ramen noodles cooked in whiskey instead of water (admit it, you’re both disgusted by and curious about how that would taste once you heard about it) we’re bragging about our Condor egg omlettes and our totally ironic consumption of Whiskeyed Ramen.

Like this, only it actually can get us drunk

But despite our cushy job, which includes the actual captain’s chair from Star Trek that we take turns sitting in (the chair itself?  Not so cushy) we do sympathize with the plight of those Americans currently hunting for jobs.  Which is why we’re here to salute the most American resumes from Americans who clearly didn’t give a shit.

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