“The best way to get hired is to be drunk and illiterate.”
The past few years have been a rough time for those seeking employment in America. We know that we at the AFFotD offices sometimes have been guilty of rubbing in our plush jobs in the faces of normal Americans looking for work. While they’re left subsiding on Ramen noodles cooked in whiskey instead of water (admit it, you’re both disgusted by and curious about how that would taste once you heard about it) we’re bragging about our Condor egg omlettes and our totally ironic consumption of Whiskeyed Ramen.
Like this, only it actually can get us drunk
But despite our cushy job, which includes the actual captain’s chair from Star Trek that we take turns sitting in (the chair itself? Not so cushy) we do sympathize with the plight of those Americans currently hunting for jobs. Which is why we’re here to salute the most American resumes from Americans who clearly didn’t give a shit.