Tag Archives: Seattle Seahawks

The 2014-2015 NFL Playoff Picture

“Football!  Football football FOOTBALL!!!!”

~America

 nfl

Football had a bit of a rough year in 2014.  There’s not been a lot of bright spots in the sport between the various horrific crimes perpetrated by players that we don’t feel particularly comfortable making fun of and the fact that if you told us that Roger Goodell was planted in a position of power in the NFL by North Korea to slowly turn America against one of their favorite games as some long-term espionage strategy, we’d probably believe you for a second.

But as we ring in the New Year, so too do we usher in a special time for Americans far and wide—desperately hoping that your least favorite team doesn’t win the Super Bowl.  Yes, the NFL Playoffs are here, and while some of you might be cheering for your team to go deep into the 2015 playoffs, others of you might have the unfortunate handicap of being fans of, say, the Bears, or the Buccaneers.  It’s not your fault.  It’s not your fault.

Though it’s easy to assume that everyone has been following the highs and lows of the 2014 NFL season, some of you might not really like sports.  We get it.  You’d rather not waste your time getting emotionally invested in a team of millionaires whose sole connection to you rests in what city they happen to be playing for.  But to you, American non-sports-fan, we’ll want to point out one thing.  You say that shit while invited to a Super Bowl party, and you’re going to be pissing off everyone in the room.  So, for you, Mr. sports skeptic, we’re going to delve into the twelve teams that will be playing starting on Saturday, with the hopes that you’ll learn a little something about this year’s best teams in America’s favorite sport.  Also we’ll talk about the Panthers.

The 2014-2015 NFL Playoff Picture

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In Defense Of Roger Goodell And The NFL’s Replacement Referees

“Derp de derp I don’t know what pants are.”

~NFL Replacement Referees

America is founded on the tradition of people getting to be on TV for being worse at life than everyone.  It is with that intrepid spirit that the National Football League decided that their current crop of referees were doing too much “officiating” and “ensuring that games don’t break down into melees involving dozens of giant men” for their liking, and they hired the various descendants of Mr. Magoo to help fill in.  While the NFL is still negotiating vigorously to reach a compromise on a reasonable price, they’ve still been unable to procure the rights to Yakety Sax so we’ve not yet gotten to see the replacement referees the way Roger Goodell intended.

But as an organization that has made a name for themselves through their tireless commitment to the art of going to work drunk, we here at AFFotD are here to offer our full support to these trailblazers of ineptitude.  Because no matter how bad they are at their jobs, Blockbuster managers had to go somewhere after they drove their business into the ground, right?  And no matter how culpable Roger Goodell might appear in all of this, if America was founded on the belief that evil, egotistical, megalomaniacal men shouldn’t hold positions of power, there’d be a lot fewer Chinese corpses buried along our railroad lines.  And with that, we offer you…

In Defense Of Roger Goodell And The NFL’s Replacement Referees
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