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The 2014-2015 NFL Playoff Picture

“Football!  Football football FOOTBALL!!!!”



Football had a bit of a rough year in 2014.  There’s not been a lot of bright spots in the sport between the various horrific crimes perpetrated by players that we don’t feel particularly comfortable making fun of and the fact that if you told us that Roger Goodell was planted in a position of power in the NFL by North Korea to slowly turn America against one of their favorite games as some long-term espionage strategy, we’d probably believe you for a second.

But as we ring in the New Year, so too do we usher in a special time for Americans far and wide—desperately hoping that your least favorite team doesn’t win the Super Bowl.  Yes, the NFL Playoffs are here, and while some of you might be cheering for your team to go deep into the 2015 playoffs, others of you might have the unfortunate handicap of being fans of, say, the Bears, or the Buccaneers.  It’s not your fault.  It’s not your fault.

Though it’s easy to assume that everyone has been following the highs and lows of the 2014 NFL season, some of you might not really like sports.  We get it.  You’d rather not waste your time getting emotionally invested in a team of millionaires whose sole connection to you rests in what city they happen to be playing for.  But to you, American non-sports-fan, we’ll want to point out one thing.  You say that shit while invited to a Super Bowl party, and you’re going to be pissing off everyone in the room.  So, for you, Mr. sports skeptic, we’re going to delve into the twelve teams that will be playing starting on Saturday, with the hopes that you’ll learn a little something about this year’s best teams in America’s favorite sport.  Also we’ll talk about the Panthers.

The 2014-2015 NFL Playoff Picture

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The Seven Stages of Grief (For an NFL Playoff Loss)

“Huh.  Guess that God thing only goes so far.”

~Timothy Richard Tebow

The beauty of American sports lies in the glory of victory, but mainly the agony of defeat.  Not De-Feet, Rex Ryan, but you are right, making foot fetish jokes about the Jets is another perk of being a sports fan.  But the fact of the matter is that, no matter what, by the end of a season there is a greater chance that your team will not end up being the champions, and if you’re a Cubs fan there’s an implied certainty that not only will your team not go all the way, but you’ll probably lose your house in a fire while a re-invented Carlos Zambrano pitches a perfect game for the Miami Marlins.

And while some teams fizzle midway through the year, and most teams never have a shot, some may argue that the most devastating heartbreak can come when a team gets so close to the ultimate prize just to see it ultimately fall through their trembling, bacon-grease-covered fingers.  And as America finds itself deep into the NFL Playoffs, more and more fan bases have to see that one ultimate defeat that’ll make their entire transcendent season utterly meaningless, unless you were able to ride Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees to help you win your fantasy league.  Because at least that way those two QBs were able to win something this year.

So for the fans that spent all season bragging about the historic year of their franchise who are left standing with a gaping jaw wondering how they could have possibly given up 37 points to Eli Fucking Manning, we here at AFFotD are here to give you this handy guide.

The Seven Stages of Grief (For an NFL Playoff Loss)


He might not be playing in the Super Bowl, but he’s a shoe-in for that part in the Green Bay Community Theater production of “Newsies”

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