Searching For America
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Tag Archives: Nuclear Bombs
“Aw look, North Korea is threatening to nuke us. That’s cute.”
A lot of our readers were born in the late 1980s and 1990s have never lived in actual fear of nuclear weapons. Sure, we’ve all seen the 1950s cartoons that say you can survive a nuclear blast if you hide under a desk and also are a turtle, but for those readers who didn’t live through the 50s, 60s, 70s, and early chunk of the 80s, the concept of “actively fearing nuclear annihilation” seems less like “real life” and more like “Wow, 24 finally jumped the shark didn’t they.”
Of course, for those of our readers that did live through that period…that was pretty freaky, right? Shit almost got real a few times there. While not exactly paralyzing America with fear, the nuclear threat was always in the back of our minds. Russia was a powerful and terrifying foe, and they really didn’t like us. They only reason they didn’t slaughter us outright is that they knew we’d probably do the same in kind, and even with that mutually assured destruction in place, they were still considering it.
This is relevant because, for the first time in decades, America has actively been threatened with nuclear attack. As in, “the moment of explosion is approaching fast” and “we have actually approved the use of nuclear weapons against your country.” And no one gives a shit. We’re literally talking “page four news.” Why?
Because it’s North Korea, and North Korea is a bunch of clowns. Does that sound a bit harsh? Yes. Are we a little pissed off at their hijacking of our website last week? Well, sure. But there are also numerous well documented reasons why no one is scared of North Korea. Don’t believe us? Here are five, just off the top of our head.
Five Reasons Why No One Is Afraid Of North Korea
“What good’s algebra going to do for you when the Ruskies have turned your family into charcoal, huh?”
~1950’s Elementary School Principal
For most of our staffers, school was a lot like drinking Southern Comfort. We could take it or leave it, but we weren’t going to actively search for it. Also, High School was the last time any of us last drank SoCo. But from what we can remember from in between puking on our principles, the American education system involves, uh, learning and grades. Oh, and centering a curriculum primarily on achieving good test scores for government funding instead of focusing on a curriculum that actually furthers the student’s education. But whatever our system is now, it works for white kids most of the time. It’s relatively normal and pretty recognizable.
You can probably guess where we’re going with this. That’s right, it’s time for another issue of everyone’s favorite blast-from-the-past as we at AFFotD dig into our 1950’s stacks of The Informative American to see how Elementary Schools worked back in 1953. Apparently the answer was “surprisingly badass, with apologies to the ladies.” Oh, 1953, you so misogynistic!
The Informative American’s Back-To-School Special (Originally Published August, 1953)