Tag Archives: Moonshine

[REDACTED] Writes An Article For Buzzfeed

“Goddamn it, [REDACTED].

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

buzzfeed

[Editor’s Note:  For those readers unfamiliar with his work, [REDACTED] is AFFotD’s investigative journalist who may or may not have been driven to insanity because of our assignments.  His name has been redacted to protect his identity, since his first assignment was to eat at a Vegan restaurant, and his family and friends would never have been able to look him in the eye after hearing that he has put meatless sliders in his mouth.  Since then, we’ve made him review awful rap videos, watch and livecast women’s soccer games, and write about, well, whatever the hell this sport is.

Recently, [REDACTED] managed to sneak into our offices early in the morning where he drank a whole mess of our moonshine and decided to post an article about Buzzfeed.  Sort of.  We think?  He kinda lost us as he got progressively drunker by the end of it, but the main point we’re trying to make is somehow he found a way to post the article in a way that we can’t take it down and can’t edit it.  So, it’ll be stuck on the site, and we’d like to take this moment to first and foremost apologize for any inane ramblings you’re about to be subjected to, and would like to remind you all that the opinions and viewpoints of [REDACTED] in no way reflect those of AFFotD.com.  They’re just the sad trappings of a man who has long since gone insane.  We should feel sorry for him, but the moment we let our guard down, he pulls shit like this, so it looks like we’re gonna have to find another awful music video starring a now-deceased stand-up comic to force feed him.]

Continue reading

Popcorn Sutton, Moonshining Hero

“I’ll get ya drunk faster than a pie’ll get yanked from a windowsill.”

~Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton

While the America Fun Fact of the Day offices break numerous laws, regulations, and religious commandments on a daily basis (Hell, just to get into our lobby you have to punch the captured endangered Condor that we have caged up as a door handle) we tend to find it unnerving when our activities that we believe to be “legal” are, in fact, not.  In this case, apparently moonshining is illegal.  Not only is it illegal, it’s been explicitly illegal since the 19th century.  This was conveniently overlooked by the man who helped us install our moonshining operation, Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton, who was even more American than we could have possibly imagined.  And that’s saying something, because he looked like this.

That beard is so glorious that OTHER beards live in his beard.

Continue reading