Tag Archives: Fall

America’s Worst Pumpkin Spice Latte-Flavored Products

“You can’t spell ‘basic’ without ‘PSL.’”

~Wait Actually You Can

psl candy

Pumpkin Spice Latte is a combination of words that usually can be seen in conjunction with phrases like, “Those damn Millennials” and, “Got no respect for their elders.”  We’re not going to talk about Pumpkin Spice Lattes being good, bad, or appearing on menus earlier and earlier each year because you’ve all read a dozen of mouth-breathing articles on that topic already.  Pumpkin Spice Lattes are, at the end of the day, one of those things that a lot of people get mad about when they really shouldn’t.  Like, some people like to drink coffee that has cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves and allspice in it during the Fall, why…why should we care one way or the other?  Like, we’re seriously asking here, did your family get killed in a cinnamon farming accident, or are you just knee-jerk reacting to some trend that’s popular among people who are younger than you?

Anyway, the point being, we’re not here to shit on you if you enjoy yourself a nice PSL from time to time.  You do you.  But even if the days of the Pumpkin Spice Latte are waning, and the PSL will soon to join Uggs as retired totems of basicness, companies are still trying to wring each little ounce of profit out of the PSL craze, which, unfortunately, has given us a lot of pumpkin spice products that should never exist.

So while we support you and your right to a Pumpkin Spice Latte on a nice fall day, we do not support these products, which take pumpkin spice to terrifying, gross places.

America’s Worst Pumpkin Spice Latte-Flavored Products

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The Worst Gingerbread Flavored Products in America

“Run run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me because you really don’t care too much, I mean really, I’m not that tasty, compared to other sweets.”

~The Honest Gingerbread Man

gingerbread

We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but summer is over, fall is here, and winter is just around the corner.  We know, we know, it’s a bitter pill to swallow.  But, let’s all take a step back, and think about all the good times, foods, and occasions that fall and winter will afford you.  No, we’re being serious, take a moment and pick your favorite thing about autumn or winter.

Oh, the holiday season, that’s a good one, you over there.

Hmm, bourbon and dark beers, that’s a very solid point, intern whispering in our ear right now.  Now go back to the supply closest and keep on spamming PETA with hate-emails.

Oh, what’s that, distant quiet voice in the back?  Gingerbread gets to come back?  Ugh, fine.  Whatever.  Yes, gingerbread houses and all that shit will be easier to find.  That’s a lame thing to suggest, but not lame enough for us to openly mock you for suggesting it.

Let’s face it, gingerbread is just alright, probably because America didn’t invent it and the most fun you can have with it is putting it into shapes you don’t get to eat until they’ve long since gone stale.  Which is fine—a gingerbread house is a lot of fun, and many precious memories have been made around it, but if we were being honest, a gingerbread house is a great way to have your children or man-child husbands pick at the icing and gumdrops, thinking incorrectly that they’re being sneaky, for a few months until the whole thing turns rock solid and you put it outside for squirrels to eat the shit out of.  That’s pretty much gingerbread’s biggest purpose for American society—it tricks squirrels into thinking we don’t eat anything that tastes better than stale gingerbread, so they by-and-large leave us the hell alone.

Unfortunately, because it’s considered a “seasonal” treat, every goddamn company imaginable decides to release a “limited edition” gingerbread flavored version of their product this time of the year.  Most of them, like gingerbread, are, eh, fine.  But some of them.

Oh, mother of God, some of them.  Are awful.  Terrible.  Sins.

We’re going to tell you about some of them.

The Worst Gingerbread Flavored Products in America

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Five Delicious Frozen Beer Treats For The Summer (Posted In The Fall)

“I’m honestly not sure if this is an ice cream headache or a hangover.”

~Americans currently pressing their tongues to the roofs of their mouths

 ice cream mug

Summer has officially come to an end, and as the hot, disgustingly sweaty nights of August brace to be replaced by the dreary, drinking-bourbon-alone-in-your-studio-apartment subzero evenings of February, we at AFFotD like to look back and think about all the products we could have told you about to make your summer better, but waited until the week where you finally reached below-freezing temperatures to tell you about them.

Basically, a lot of people have found a way to turn beer into a refreshing summer treat.  And now you’ll have to wait a year until you get to enjoy them.  Send all hate mail to the email address listed on the right.  Come at us, bro.

Five Delicious Frozen Beer Treats For The Summer (Posted In The Fall)

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