Tag Archives: Everclear

The Top 5 American Ways to Get Drunk (Without Drinking)

“Sure, go for it.”

~Anthony Bourdain

America likes alcohol about as much as America likes alcohol, but sometimes we have to eat, or we don’t feel like consuming liquids at the moment.  Shut up, it happens sometimes.  Maybe.  Anyway, it is times like that where we Americans can show our ingenuity by discovering strange, magical, almost logic-defying ways to get wasted.  Yeah, we might be lagging in education and…uh..maths? but we’re still able to get you drunk without you even knowing it.  Or in one case (number one on the list) we can get you drunk while you are terrifyingly aware of it.

That’s why we at AFFotD are here to present to you…

The Top 5 American Ways to Get Drunk (Without Drinking)

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American Celebrities Broadcasting While Drunk

“Livin’ in Amerrrrrrrrricaaaaaaa.”

~James Brown

America and alcohol go together like America and alcohol- they’re such ideal companions there’s no feasible way to make a better analogy about it.  But there are times when mixing alcohol with American inventions do not turn out so well.  Bourbon and cars?  Despite our brazen, occasionally maligned statements regarding drunk driving (“At least the drunk driving teens who died on the way to prom were cool enough to go to prom, probably because they were good at drinking” seems particularly damning in retrospect), we will admit that it’s usually not a good combination.  Whiskey and airplanes?  Okay, to be fair, we’ve just finished re-watching the plane crash scene of “Cast Away” so we don’t want to think about drunken airplane flying.

Despite how glamorous Die Hard 2 made it seem

But drunken broadcasting?  Someone getting wasted, and then going live on television or radio?  That is goddamn American.  That’s literally the celebrity version of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  “You got drunk and high on my television show.”  “You got your television show on my drunk and high.”  “Holy shit best idea ever.”

“It truly was a chugging for the ages.”

That is why AFFotD is here to proudly present the most American moments of wasted broadcasting in American history.  But first, we need to line up some shots.

Or we can just chug some Everclear.

Ahhhhh yeah.  Yeah feel the burn.

Okay.  *cough*.  Okay.  Let’s…uh, let’s get started.

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