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America’s 10 Most Alcoholic Beers

“Beer, motor fuel, semantics.”

~American Brewers

brewmeister armageddon

For some time now, Media sources have been discussing how “Macro” beers such as Budweiser, Coors, and piss Miller have been losing ground to the niche market of craft breweries.  There has been a lot of speculation as to the reason for this—microbrews tend to use better ingredients to make creative, delicious, flavorful beers that blow their much more watered down counterparts out of the water.  They are a new, thriving addition to an alcohol producing landscape that until recently has been remarkably stagnant.  Hell, microbrews even offer a wide variety of complex beer styles that can be paired with any meal, as opposed to Bud Light, which is only paired with Solo Cups and roofies.

Yes, all of those can explain the surge of craft beers, but if we had to guess, the main reason behind their success rests with the fact that we’re all American, and craft beers just tend to get you drunk faster.  You can doll it up all you want, but most Americans would rather spend a few more bucks on a tasty beer as opposed to a domestic brew that’s got half the alcohol.  That’s just simple economics.

So in order to celebrate America’s contributions to getting you drunk while drinking as little liquid as possible, we at AFFotD are here to present you with…

America’s 10 Most Alcoholic Beers

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The American States Of America: The Most American Qualities Of Every State (Part 1 of 10)

“Delaware.  We’re in Delaware.”

~Wayne Campbell

american states

Together, America is united as one boozy, overweight, hard drug dabbling awesome nation.  However, it’s important to remember that we began as a confederation of states, and each of those states very much has its own unique identity which is defined through their citizens, history, and contributions to American society.  If you’re looking for the best bourbon in the nation, you’ll probably think of Kentucky before, say, Alaska.  But that doesn’t mean Alaska doesn’t live life Americanly by shooting wolves from helicopters and getting paid for no reason other than living in a place not a lot of people want to be.

So when we at AFFotD look to exalt America, sometimes we have to look at each individual piece of the puzzle and determine the most American aspects of each state of this great nation.  That is why we are here to present to you a five part series listing the most American qualities of every state in the Union, in order of when they were officially admitted into the United States of America.  So grab onto your hats, and get ready to watch us frantically Wikipedia what the hell is in North Dakota.

america states of america

PART ONE

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AFFotD’s Guide on What Beers You Want to Drink

“Seriously, I am in no way related to the pop singer.”

~Michael Jackson (the beer one)


If there’s one thing that Amy Winehouse taught us, it’s that the moment you stop drinking, you die.  And it should come as little surprise that beer, one of the most American forms of alcohol this side of bourbon, is a highly effective way to get that life-giving alcohol straight into your blood stream.  The carbonation, apart from making beer delicious, affects your stomach lining, which allows alcohol to be absorbed into your bloodstream that much faster.  It’s about one of the only things we agree with science about.

And while many Americans’ knowledge of beer consists of “give it to me until the shaking stops, goddamn it,” American craft beer is currently the fastest growing alcohol product in the nation.  It’s not even close.  Many Americans are growing tired of companies like Budweiser and Miller which, despite being cheap, also tend to taste like someone used urine instead of hops, and tend to have depressingly low alcohol levels.  That’s why Microbrews stepped in to offer beers that are both better tasting, and much more alcoholic.  Because if you want to have a beer that’s 20% alcohol per volume, who the hell are we to deny you that glory?

We’ll even give craft brewers who are insufferable narcissists their own fucking TV show

So as you go to more beer bars that will describe each beer’s unique flavor and preparation method with more complexity than a wine menu, we here at AFFotD are here to help you cut through the bullshit and let you know what you want to drink, no matter what your comfort level is for beer.  So, strap yourselves in and put your drinking shoes on, because we now present you…

America Fun Fact of the Day’s Guide on What Beers You Want to Drink

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