“I can’t even think straight I just want to eat Turkey.”
~AFFotd Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
Look at that little spot on the map. the 24th. Turkey day. Goddamn it we’re so excited. Do you know we have someone on staff whose only job is to kill turkeys the week of Thanksgiving? We only need like, 5 of them to feed the office. And we pay him $40,000 to do that. And that’s after he’s explicitly told us he’d do it for free. We didn’t care. We wanted to pay him to kill birds for a week. That’s our right, goddamn it. It’s our right.
Anyway, here’s what happened today in the past.
Today in American History (America Version)
1789- New Jersey became the first state to ratify the bill of rights. The joke about this would have felt a lot more earned and satisfying if it had been made before Jersey Shore came out.
1861- Kentucky declares its independence from the Union. The joke about this would have felt a lot more earned and satisfying if it had been made before Kentucky Farms came out.
1962- John F. Kennedy ends the Quarantine of Cuba, effectively ending the Cuban missile crisis. Something about infidelity.
1974- The American Government files an Anti-Trust lawsuit against AT&T. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but look at how many people complain about their shitty AT&T service now.
1985- Microsoft Windows 1.0 is released, which probably was used to make Tron or some shit.
2011- AFFotD doesn’t want to do more research, since we’re too stoked for Turkey Day, y’all.