“I’m not as officer as you drunk I am, vomit.”
~America’s Drunks
We’ve been told that alcohol can be lethal when taken in large enough doses. We know, that sounds counter-intuitive, but bear with us. As everyone who has purchased a breathalyzer from Sharper Image for parties and making sad, sad nights by yourself more justifiable by saying you’re “doing research” can attest, when you get to a BAC of about .2, you’re going to stop remembering things. Knowing that, it makes slightly more sense that Wikipedia would list the side effects of a “>0.50 BAC” as “death.”
But this is America, goddamn it. You know there have to be supermen (and women! Don’t forget those ladies!) who can survive alcohol levels that can kill a rhino. And while the staff of AFFotD has never made the news for being busted with a lethal BAC, many Americans have, and we’re here to salute them.
Sort of.
Well, we’re going to salute them in the same way you salute someone trying to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Because, damn you guys, when we think you drank too much, you know you’re in trouble.
10 of the Highest Blood Alcohol Levels of All Time
*NOTE: THIS ARTICLE PREVIOUSLY LISTED THE TOP 8 BACS OF ALL TIME. #2 ON THE LIST WAS ADDED ON APRIL 6, 2015
When we went out looking for the highest BACs ever recorded on public record, we were saddened to find out that a man in Poland held that particular distinction. Then we were a little awe-struck when we found out he set that record by beer-bonging grain alcohol that he had stolen from his workplace…which was a chemical plant.
Then we found out that his BAC was 1.48, and our brains stopped working. Think about that. His blood was 1.48% alcohol. If you can get a vampire drunk, that’s just not a feat that the human body is supposed to pull off. When the doctors tried to figure out his blood type, they just shrugged and put down “wine cooler.”
And while that man died of injuries he incurred in a car accident (which just proves the old adage of “if you drive with a 1.48 BAC you will die in a car accident”) and three of the five recorded instances of BAC’s passing the 1.0 barrier occurred in Poland of all places, Americans everywhere have done their best to make doctors look at BAC test results and say “…No, that can’t be right” for years.
And now, in descending order, here is our list of the nine (and a half) most American Americans who pretended to be Polish for a night.
Honorable Mention: Imagine Being The Cop Who Had To Give This Baby A Breathalyzer Test (BAC of .2)
In March of 2012, Demarian Crow decided to start his fraternity hazing about 17 years early when he was admitted to the hospital with a blood alcohol level higher than .2. The one-year-old child had been given vodka by his mother’s boyfriend, who is awesomely named Ronchekal Demune Yon. According to Yon, he had alcohol in a cup and the child reached for it and drank it without him realizing.
When he discovered what had happened, he sent a text message to his (soon to be ex?) girlfriend saying “I messed up n didn’t pay attention wen he grabbed my cup.” A separate witness said that Yon was drunk and handed his cup to the kid, which seems credible as drunks often operate by the laws of osmosis and are only at peace when their surroundings are at an equal level of drunkenness.
While some people would be shocked and appalled to hear about this story, we just used it as an excuse to google how much booze a baby would have to drink to get as drunk as little Demarian Crow did. Turns out, babies are fucking lightweights, if this free online Blood Alcohol Calculator is to be believed.
That’s right, it would take just one shot for an average sized one year old child to get drunk. To make matters worse, apparently according to “the law,” your drunk baby shouldn’t be driving either. So your baby can’t even be your designated driver? Ugh, why did we even have a baby in the first place? (Oh right, it’s because sex feels better with a condom and the hormones in the pill make the missus pretty bitchy.)
10: If You Lived In Indiana, You’d Drink Too (BAC of .552)
28-year old James Henderson doesn’t want you to call him a hero. He puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like anyone else. Only after he puts on his pants, he goes out and gets so drunk that his doctors mistake his test results as a copy of John Bonham’s autopsy report. And he does this all while the sun is still up.
Henderson was found on the side of the road at 3:15 in the afternoon, which seems like the best place to be when you’re drunk enough that to summon John Daly during a séance. Police reported that he had several bruises, and when he was wakened during treatment he made a “barely coherent statement” about getting hit by a car. We can only assume that the “car” is some code word for “a handle of tequila.”
He eventually was charged with public intoxication, because Northwest Indiana only feels joy when they’re stopping anything fun from happening.
(And to cement his legacy, he once again got arrested for having a nearly .3 BAC at 7AM this past March 25th. Because, again, it’s Indiana.)
9: We Originally Wrote This as a “She’s Hot LOLOLOL” Joke But Honestly Let’s Talk About How Angela From The Office Got Crunk (BAC of .55)
Our original joke here was hinged on the notion that most people who can make a Breathalyzer go “Jesus Christ, just stop” aren’t going to be young and attractive, and that is true, if not necessarily funny. Meagan Harper was 30 years old when she took this picture after registering a BAC that that most technicians would look at and say “damn, the BAC machine broke again. Seriously, how long did it take for her to sober up enough to take this picture? And she looks remarkably pain free for someone who just drank enough that her nightmares would have hangovers.
Honestly, the amount Meagan drank in an evening here could be a Blumhouse movie, where an attractive blonde drinks enough to kill six people, only to watch those six people die around her until she, honestly we don’t want to write the WHOLE movie for the folks at Blumhouse, if you want the ending give us a call and a producer credit on your next hit film, “Deathy Hour.”
8: The Lone Boozy Samurai (BAC of .559)
Police were called to a house on the 2900 block of Turbot Drive in Madison, Wisconsin at 6:30 PM on a typical Friday. A man had been found lying on the ground just outside a house there. This man had no name, no identification, and no idea what the word “sobriety” means because when you’re found with a BAC of .559, you pretty much can’t comprehend words that have more than half a syllable.
This wandering drunk, no doubt a distant descendent of a lonely samurai, demanded to leave the hospital, and was released against doctor’s advice. No one knows the life story of wandering nomad, so we at AFFotD have exhaustively made one up.
His name was John Beer. His mother was famous for sitting on a dunk tank that was filled with beer at state fairs, and it was during one of these events that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy, who plopped into the beer and amazed onlookers by starting to chug.
He got drunker than he expected, because as we’ve established, babies are fucking lightweights, and thus began training his body to withstand great amounts of alcohol. Practicing in the Shaolin Bing Drinking tradition, he chose a lonely and un-sober life, wandering from town to town, drinking and slurring something about Obama’s birth certificate to whoever tried to interfere with his sacred drinking.
Only when he surpasses .5 does he allow himself to rest, lying down in front of random homes and mumbling something about vaccinations causing Autism.
7: Ha, Look At This Dude (Oh, Right, Really High BAC And Everything, That Too) (BAC of .69…Nice)
Ha ha, look at this dude. This dude’s hilarious. Willard Ashley III was just 32 (but a rough 32) when he nabbed for public intoxication in LaPorte County, Indiana after blowing .69 (heh, had to). We will give him credit for the fact that he was still awake, and sober enough to know his own name. As far as his actual BAC, we’re going to assume that when they first had him breath into the breathalyzer, they got a BAC of like .701, and they just waited for 15 minutes for it to lower down to .69. We really hope that’s what the arresting officer did, because if he did that he would instantly become our favorite police officer.
Apparently Indiana just drives some people to drink.
6: There’s “Drunk” And Then There’s “Pass Out After Stealing A Delivery Truck” Drunk (BAC of .708)
Marguerite Engle of Sturgis, South Dakota, loved two things. Stealing delivery trucks, and drinking enough to kill two full grown adults. It’s very possible that her infatuation with former might have been fueled by the latter. She was found on the highway passed out behind the wheel of a delivery truck that had been reported as stolen in Rapid City, which means that Marguerite Engel is better at car theft drunk than you are sober.
She submitted to a breathalyzer test, which came back with “Ha ha, that’s very funny, who’s been messing with this thing?” The .708 BAC reading set the record for highest blood-alcohol level in state history, and it wasn’t even close (the previous record was .56).
Apparently if you steal a truck and go for a joyride with a BAC that’s nine times the legal limit, it’s pretty easy to make bond, since she was then later found wasted in a different stolen car, because she’s not just content be a drunken kleptomaniac, she wants to be the Queen of the drunken kleptomaniacs. We bow down to you while checking for our car keys, your majesty.
5: And The Winner Of Drunkest Driver Goes To… (BAC of .72)
Terri Comer is more than a woman with a last name you probably giggled at (heh, Comer). She is also better at drunk driving than you are at anything. Terri Comer is to drunk driving what Hulk Hogan is to Hulking up. Her car was found running and in a snow bank at 11:30 in the morning, and she appeared comatose. By the time she was rushed to the hospital, her blood test showed her BAC to be .72, which in the medical field is often referred to as, “Huh…buh..wait…how?”
Her car was found just fifty feet away from a portable traffic sign telling motorists not to drink and drive, because sometimes the Universe goes out of its to make things awesome. The mug shot above is from a previous DUI, where Comer (heh) blew a .3 BAC. We don’t know what Terri Comer’s liver did to so warrant such prolonged and horrific revenge being taken out on it, but it’s time to let it go Comer! It was just a stick up gone wrong, it wasn’t supposed to go down that way, and no matter how much you try to get even, nothing’s going to bring little Timmy back!
4: Just Kidding, 2021 Brought Us a DRUNKER Driver (BAC of .77)
There’s something about Oregon that leads drivers to drink, for some reason. When Comer set the Oregon (and national) drunk driving BAC record in 2007, we didn’t expect it to be shattered 14 years later by another Oregon driver.
But that’s what happened here. On February 21st, 2021, 28-year-old Nathan Danzuka was involved in a hit-and-run. When his car was spotted by police, he tried to drive off before losing control of the car and crashing into a concrete barrier. He was “intensely intoxicated” which for someone blowing nearly 10 times the legal limit is “a slight understatement.”
Shockingly, this wasn’t his first DUI, as Danzuka was arrested for DUI and reckless endangerment last year as well. Who would have thought that Oregon was the superhuman drunk driving capital of America?
3: Someone Understands What “College” Means (BAC of .90)
Eric Kelly was an undergraduate student at Lock Haven in Pennsylvania when he got nabbed for public intoxication. At the hospital, the test came back as a .90, to which we’d imagine Kelly slurred, “Damn, so close. So close.” He drank so much he likely saw the face of the grim reaper, but if you asked him to describe it to you he’d just say, “I don’t know, just sorta…blurry?” We know we’re making some big assumptions here, but we’re pretty sure that when he graduated he moved to Boston, and that’s the only reason why it’s illegal to have an open bar in the state of Massachusetts.
2: An AFFotD Exclusive (BAC 1.00)
No, this picture is not of the person in question scoring a perfect 1.00 on their “playing chicken with death” test. And no, there is no real verifiable evidence here apart from the word of a reader who is willing to go on the record as hitting a 1.00 BAC, and who probably could scrounge up hospital documents if we really wanted to press him on it, which, eh, we just want to believe it’s true. So, this could be bullshit, but if you’re a true American, you’ll just close your eyes and believe.
Anyway, on March 28th, 2015, Kentucky fan Robert Stewart got up and, being an American, wanted to watch some NCAA action. And since NCAA action is only exciting when you’re witnessing an upset, or are incredibly drunk, Stewart decided to go the latter route.
By his calculation, he drank about 26 Bud Lights, which really probably hydrated him more than anything else, before downing a quart of apple pie moonshine over the course of roughly two hours of morning drinking, and a pint of 165-proof moonshine over the course of fuck you you’re not the boss of me, ahhhh just kidding man I love you man, WOOOOO haa those cheerleaders look hot, who’s winning? Stewart happens to be friends with the local fire chief, and in his blackout haze called him to check him out while also calling for an ambulance. They took his blood right away, coming back with a BAC of 1.00 exactly, before pushing fluids and preparing him for the worst hangover of his goddamn life.
As we told this young man (he’s 23) when he approached us to be added to this list, hitting a 1.00 BAC is a lot like bowling a perfect game. If you do it once, you have no reason to try to match that ever again. Also, to the rest of you, don’t take this as an excuse to try to drink yourself onto this list and email us with the proof, this is a one time deal. We already have too many wrongful death lawsuits on our hands with as it is.
1: Who Are You, Fair Drunken Temptress? (BAC of 1.33)
It was love at first sight. We were here, writing about alcohol, food, and hating foreigners. You were just a whispered thought, a dream from one night in 1982. “What’s the highest BAC that’s ever been recorded in America?” we asked. “A Serum Alcohol Concentration of 1510 mg/dL, which corresponds to a BAC of 1.33,” you whispered seductively in retort.
You were 24, roaring through Los Angeles taking, presumably, all of the cocaine, and stumbling into the UCLA Emergency Room. You were alert and oriented to person and place, since…wait holy shit, you were alert and oriented to person and place? Rocking a 1.33 BAC? If a recovering alcoholic bit you, he’d technically be off the wagon. But anyway, where were we?
Ah yes. You were so young. Everyone else on this list had rich, full lives devoted to the art of drinking too much, and you crushed them all. You had enough liquor to give an elephant a hangover, and there you are, at the hospital, without a care in the world. Your beauty radiates from the vodka seeping out of your pores. We had been hurt so many times, we had kept ourselves guarded, but then you came along.
Sweet, mysterious vixen, find us and love us the way we love you. It’s a love that is pure, unconditioned, and stronger than anything on this Earth. You know, like whatever the fuck you were drinking to get that drunk in the first place, because DAMN girl. Damn.
America Fun Fact of the Day 
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All of this is so sad.
Humans aren’t the only ones who have a problem. On Nov 4, 2012, 50 elephants (of 120 that had recently gathered in the area) stormed the India village of Dumurkota and headed for the local brewery after smelling the “strong” local drink, Mahua. They consumed about 500 litres (130 gallons) “very quickly”. Using an online calculator for a 4000 kg (8800 lb) elephant drinking 2.5 gal of 30%-50% alcoholic drink in 30 minutes, they’d have been running 0.08% to 0.14% BAC.
While this is a somewhat older article, my brother-in-law had a BAC of 0.95 and has lived to tell about it. However he was hit by a car, broke one leg and completely blew out his his knee in his other leg. The labs came back showing .95! The amazing thing about this is apparently his extreme intoxication saved his life. Apparently the bones he broke in his leg would normally cause a person to go into shock and die as it is too much pain for a person to handle. So in a weird twist, it saved his life.
On the flip side, had he not been in a drunken stupor, he probably wouln’t have been hit by a car and would thus also still be alive, but without the sexy limp.
Im joshua webb, and I should be on this list. If you check with the on post hospital at fort carson colorado they may have it on file. 0.76 i think it was, and that was after literally puking out the lining of my stomach for two hours. Shame really. If they hadnt waited until my hands turned purple to call 911 i mightve gotten tested in time to break 1%
You dont die from too much pain, whoever told you that was misinformed
Yes you can. It is completely possible to die of shock from pain. I know this because I went into cardiac arrest three times after I was hit by a car, simply because my body couldn’t handle the amount of stress. They brought me back and had to put me into a medically induced coma (using Fentanyl) for a month.
Yeah… still from the cardiac arrest. Shock is your body comprehending the trauma
You don’t die from the pain itself, but she’s right the body can go into shock
I went into the hospital ER for something unrelated to drinking but they wound up taking my blood and the Dr. closed the curtains, informed me I had a BAC of .57 and we talked for about 20 minutes. I remember it all. It was quite calm. He said to me, “If I weren’t sure you were intoxicated, I’d never suspect it. You need help.” So, if your BAC is that elevated and you seem “normal”, that’s a bad thing. Sober 82 days. Keep the faith.
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my brothers autopsy report just came in with a unbeilvable bac of 5.8!!! drank between half gallon to whole gallon of vodka in 3hrs!
Intravenously?
A gallon is absolutely nothing in 3 hours. I used to drink every single day, all day every day and my very first underage drinking ticket when i was 15 the cops told me i blew a .489 they told my friends i should’ve died 3 times. It got to the point I couldnt even get drunk no matter how much I drank.. I would have DT’s and seizures from alcohol withdrawal. I had to stop. Now by the time im FINALLY 21 Ive been on probation for drinking and havent even picked up a bottle in a year. Be careful anyone, alcohol is not one to fuck with
Well I had a BAC of point 99 at 10 o’clock in the morning after the party and I’m 16 got my first MIP that day
I just want to know who wrote this article. I have never laughed so hard, so loud and so long. Genius, pure genius whom ever the author is!
Meagan Harper, the blonde chick (no. 7 on the list) was once country music’s Alicia Silverstone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHi8osKQzYA
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don’t drink more than your body can handle – unless your wishes are to commit suicide
This shit ain’t funny. Some people need to drink just to feel normal. so what they get arrested, doesn’t make them a bad individual. . You people make me sick
We make you sick? Well, stop drinking so much – maybe be some of the nausea will pass.
Just two days ago, a relative of mine was retrieved from the sidewalk (by the police) of the college she attends and driven to the ER. Her bac was 2.8. … gotta make the family proud.
Ur an alcoholic huh?
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I had a blood alcohol level of .97 should be on the list
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I was a 4.33
Horse shit- you got a .433 and just internally put the period in the wrong place. .433 is “borderline lethal”. 4.33 is “four times higher than the highest recorded BAC ever”.
Then how on earth are you still alive?
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This is clearly fake, or the police forgot about breath alcohol and didn’t wait long enough for it to evaporate. .5 and above is deadly for sure.
Prove it
I work in an inner city e.r.; the highest we ever saw was a 0.94. And he was walking around, talking. Eyes were a little glassy. But speech was normal. We discharged him the next day. There was rumor (from paramedics) of a guy over in Brooklyn that was above 1.0, but because these are pateints, we cannot divulge real names, so there was no way to confirm that. But they had no reason to lie. We see a 0.5 almost daily, as the local police bring in anyone found drunk in public, and we have to keep them until they sober up.
It’s called tolerance people I weigh 180 not a big person but drink alot I blew a .6 at 12 in the afternoon talking to my treatment counselor also walking and talking fine ya if someone doesn’t drink that much and have a bac level that high they will probably die just saying and not proud of it either alcohol is terrible if you abuse it
Lol this list is bogus. Unfortunately I went to the hospital drunk as fuck one time. I had to take a urine test and I was informed my BAC was .99 two hours after my last drink. I know Im not the heaviest drinker in the world so why are these numbers in this list so low?
You are literally the most full of shit person on the internet. Because we all know how reliable and “a thing that totally exists I swear!” those…URINE BAC tests are……
Blood alcohol concentration isn’t measured in percentage, it’s measured grams/100 milliliters.
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I’m still in awe of how I’m alive. Going away party turned bad for me. I’m quite small, and drank a fifth to myself in less than 2 hours. I’m still asking questions about what went on that night. I blacked out about an hour into drinking, and can only recall small bits over the next 7 hours. Five hours after I was done drinking, vomiting all over myself, (taking 2 men to drag my lifeless body to the car), and only one severely embarrassing act, my husband drove me home where I proceeded to sleep in the car for an hour before coming to and stumbling out of the car (in my driveway), I guess I didn’t know where I was because I walked to the road the moment a cops passed and stopped. I blew a .99 a little over 5 hours after my last drink. The jail I was in had a nurse monitor me very closely, waking me up every 30-45 mins or so to make sure I was okay. I had to ask my husband how they had found out who i was, and he said i spilled off my name and birthday. Surprised me, because I didn’t even know who i was when I was finally able to stand stable almost 2 days later. Apparently, I was functional enough to walk myself to the booking desk 3 times, carry on conversations, and all sorts of things. I was released 4 days later. I was never charged with PI, they just kept me to make sure I was fine, and lecture me about my alcohol intake. It’s slightly concerning that I wasn’t taken to a hospital. I was told I couldn’t hold my head up long enough to get my BAC read till I was already booked. That’s the moment when i started remembering. I had several correctional officers surrounding me, stabilizing me to breathe. I was told that I shouldn’t be standing, and lucky I was alive, and surprised I was even slightly coherent. The first 3 days I slept and puked, maybe being awake 1- 2 hours total each day till I was released on the 4th, and had been back to my normal self for 6 hours. I haven’t drank since, and when i think about that expiernece, it makes me sick all over again. 28 yr old female, 5’2″, 120 lbs. I still say that .99 BAC is a crowning achievement, mainly because I survived.
I have had a BAC of .682 back in 2011 and just had a BAC of .562 and have hospital documents to show it. Im not bragging and am seeking treatment atm but just saying I think this list has to be incorrect or its just my irish blood in me.
Scott
Also to add to my previous comments i was up and coherent both times i was admitted.
I tried to commit suicide with alcohol and pills on 3-10-18. I blew a 2.7 or 2.8. I took 3 norco and an adderal too. Too bad it didn’t work. 😂
I remember something about a .70% BAC
I should habe died. But nothing happened to me. It’s messed up.
Imma just put this out there, I was brought to hospital a few weeks ago by the cops and found out my BAC was .94. Wish the cops had let me finish my whiskey. 😂
Had a pt in my ER last night that recorded a blood alcohol level of greater than 1800.
On april 1st 2021… I drove myself 5 and something hours away… to rehab. From central ny to central pa. I drove. By myself. To rehab. And I drank the whole way. When I got there I blew a .95 and that was after sitting through the admission process… but incase you’re wondering I didnt crash, and yes I completed. Even though my car was parked down at security 😂
2.8% BAC for me. Spent almost two months in hospital. Luckily, the attending doctor was my cousin. He had a good deal of pull in that hospital and risked his reputation by having all records destroyed. Yeah, I know, it’s a huge PIPEDA violation here in Canada (the equivalent of HIPAA). There was one point where he came to visit me and said, point blank, “If we go through this again, I WILL let you die. You have no idea what you’ve put ME through with all this bullshit.” That sobered me up, both figurative and literally. It was 12 years ago. Haven’t had a drink since.