“Well, that was one of the more unnecessarily sweet vomits I’ve ever had.”
~Novelty-flavored vodka drinkers
We’ve discussed the nuanced philosophy behind flavored vodkas in the past, but here it is again. Vodka exists as a neutral spirit, which is both a blessing and a curse. Vodka earns its keep for American drunks by finding a way to let orange juice get you drunk, but its ability to meld with various flavors means that, more than any other type of alcohol, liquor companies will churn it out in dozens, if not hundreds, of different and often unnecessary varieties. And we get it, we really do. Some people don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to get drunk fast by putting four shots of raspberry vodka into a cup of fruit punch. We remember being nine years old too.
As much as you might assume that fruity-tasting alcohol is somehow less American than whiskey, well, you’d be right, but flavored vodkas are still perfectly acceptable in polite society, and in the case of downing shots might even be preferable to the unflavored variety (every drinker over the age of 18 has long ago lost their ability to down a shot of straight, unflavored vodka without their stomach reminding them of the time they did vodka shots until they puked).
But just because we drink black cherry vodka like it’s water, or can add cucumber vodka to a Bloody Mary with delicious results, doesn’t mean that all vodka flavors are created equal. That’s why we’re returning after a long vodka-article hiatus to present our third article about the strangest, most unnecessary vodka flavors in America. Because why drink alcohol that makes you seem like you’ve retained some semblance of your sanity when you can get drunk on something that tastes like a freshly mown lawn. That’s not a joke flavor, by the way.
America’s Strangest Vodka Flavors (Part 3)
Posted in Alcohol, Giver of Life, Strange Alcohol, Vodka
Tagged 360 Vodka, America, Bloody Mary, Cinnabon, flavored vodka, fresh cut grass vodka, fruit loops, fruit loops vodka, Holiday Inn Express, king cake, king cake vodka, Mardi Gras, New Orleans, PInnacle, Pinnacle vodka, Sriracha, Sriracha vodka, Three Olives, vodka, Vodka Flavors, waffle vodka, waffles
“New Orleans, please, guide us back into the welcoming arms of sandwiches that actually exist and aren’t goddamn sarneys.”
~Recently Adopted AFFotD Credo
Throughout the course of about 9,000 word and 21 sandwiches (so far) we’ve learned a lot about the diversity of America’s lunches. In trying to discover every type of submarine sandwich, or sandwich on a long roll that can somewhat remotely resemble a sub, we’ve lusted after the Philly cheesesteak, we’ve saluted the simplicity of the sub or hoagie or not hero because we arbitrarily decided that we hated New York’s reason for naming it a hero. We’ve existentially pondered the creation of the French dip, and we’ve lost most of our collective minds at all the goddamn sandwiches that seem to have been named by like, the only three fucking people that use that particular term to describe sandwiches. Tunnels? Who calls their sandwich tunnels, huh? That’s stupid, they’re stupid, and they should at least post a blog or something about who first started calling them tunnels so our staff can finally have a peaceful night of sleep. Now, we just toss and turn. “But what the fuck is a bomber? What the fuck is a bomber.”
We’re tired. We’re hungover. We haven’t shaved for days. But hey, we have a lot of delicious southern long roll sandwiches to talk about, and practically all of them exist! Yay for that!
The Regional Italian and Submarine Sandwiches of America: The South
Posted in AFFotD Special Features, America's Best Foods, The American Sandwich Series
Tagged America, cheesesteak, Cuban, Cuban Sandwich, La Joven Francesca bakery, La Mediatrice, New Orleans, Oyster Loaf, Peacemaker, po boys, Regional Sandwiches, Rocket, sandwiches, subs