Tag Archives: Vodka Flavors

America’s Strangest Vodka Flavors (Part 3)

“Well, that was one of the more unnecessarily sweet vomits I’ve ever had.”

~Novelty-flavored vodka drinkers

 dude vodka

We’ve discussed the nuanced philosophy behind flavored vodkas in the past, but here it is again.  Vodka exists as a neutral spirit, which is both a blessing and a curse.  Vodka earns its keep for American drunks by finding a way to let orange juice get you drunk, but its ability to meld with various flavors means that, more than any other type of alcohol, liquor companies will churn it out in dozens, if not hundreds, of different and often unnecessary varieties.  And we get it, we really do.  Some people don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to get drunk fast by putting four shots of raspberry vodka into a cup of fruit punch.  We remember being nine years old too.

As much as you might assume that fruity-tasting alcohol is somehow less American than whiskey, well, you’d be right, but flavored vodkas are still perfectly acceptable in polite society, and in the case of downing shots might even be preferable to the unflavored variety (every drinker over the age of 18 has long ago lost their ability to down a shot of straight, unflavored vodka without their stomach reminding them of the time they did vodka shots until they puked).

But just because we drink black cherry vodka like it’s water, or can add cucumber vodka to a Bloody Mary with delicious results, doesn’t mean that all vodka flavors are created equal.  That’s why we’re returning after a long vodka-article hiatus to present our third article about the strangest, most unnecessary vodka flavors in America.  Because why drink alcohol that makes you seem like you’ve retained some semblance of your sanity when you can get drunk on something that tastes like a freshly mown lawn.  That’s not a joke flavor, by the way.

America’s Strangest Vodka Flavors (Part 3)

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The World’s Strangest Vodka Flavors

“I don’t care if it tastes like an ashtray with an STD!  All I care about is one thing.  Will?  It?  Get?  Me?  Drunk?”

~AFFotD’s Liquor Review Board

No one would claim that vodka is a particularly “American” spirit.  But who are we to quibble in semantics?  If it gets you drunk, and has a slightly lower chance at sending you to the hospital than chugging hand sanitizer, it’s American enough for us.  Vodka is the most neutral of spirits, so while it doesn’t give you that warm, smooth feeling that bourbon does shortly before you start shouting to no one in particular there being too many French people at the local bistro, vodka does allow you get sloshed efficiently and with the aid of a whole variety of mixers.

Of course, since vodka is meant to be as flavorless as possible, many distillers take this as an opportunity to add distinct and unique flavors to their product to help it stand out in a crowded market.  We’ve already internally debated the practice of flavoring your vodkas, but unusual vodkas are everywhere, and it’s time we at least embraced this particular spirit’s diversity.  Which is why we are here to present our inaugural segment…

The World’s Strangest Vodka Flavors

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