“Ugh, seriously guys?”
~Johnny Roosevelt, AFFotD Editor-in-Chief
Hi, America. This is Johnny Roosevelt here, Editor-in-Chief of this fine portal of American greatness. Ever since my great-grandfather invented America, the Roosevelt name has been dedicated to maintaining America’s might and almost Herculean ability to ignore our own faults while focusing on the good things in life. Beer, bourbon, fried foods, and so forth. So, while we normally like to avoid actual opinion articles on this site, since let’s be honest you’re usually coming here to find out what beers will get you drunk fastest, and we are nothing if not shameless panderers to page views, every once and a while I feel it’s time for me to step forward, give the rest of my writers a bit of a day off, and talk to you, the American people. Or, you know, non-Americans, you’d be surprised how many Europeans randomly read this site.
And what is of such importance that I felt the need to wake up literally 4 hours earlier than usual, dealing with the whiskey hangover I associate with every Wednesday morning? The date. It’s April 1st. For some of you, that’s just a normal day in spring. For most of you, it’s APRIL FOOLS’ DAY and you’re going to be PULLING PRANKS! That’s neat! That’s cute.
You need to fucking stop, America.
Pictured above- still better than most April Fools’ pranks.