“This election season, call Budweiser ‘America’”
~No, We’re Not Going To Fucking Do That
Yesterday, Budweiser sent newsfeeds everywhere a-buzzing with the craaazy news that starting on May 23rd, all cans of Budweiser sold in the United States will instead say “America” in their iconic font.
Basically, you can “order an American” at the bar if you really want to see how many times your bartender can hear a person chortle at the same poorly formed semi-dad joke before they finally snap and burn the place to the fucking ground.
This is a bit of an extension of previous years when Budweiser changed their packaging in the summer to more patriotic can designs, but it’s the first time they’ve actually removed their brand name to place the name of this great nation on it. You would think we would be enthused by such raw support of all things American.
You would be wrong.
To address this, we will cede the floor to Johnny Roosevelt, the Editor-in-Chief of America Fun Fact of the Day, who last took the time to personally address you all last summer when he spent 2,500 words personally insulting a rich egomaniac with a history of assault and an extensive gun collection.
Surprisingly he’s still alive to let you know why Budweiser is wrong and bad for trying to get you to call it America. Take it away, chief.
Johnny Roosevelt Speaks: Do Not Call Budweiser “America” No Matter What The Can Tells You
“Fuck this guy.”
~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt
We usually don’t weigh in with opinion pieces here at America Fun Fact of the Day. Life’s too short for handwringing and #thinkpieces, and it is infinitely shorter when you drink and eat the way our staffers do.
But, every once in a while we might notice a trend that we feel has to be put to a stop, and it’s during times like those that our Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt, steps out from the shadows to address important issues. And today, he is going to do just that regarding the internet’s love affair with Dan Bilzerian.
For those of you who do not know who Dan Bilzerian is, he is a poker player whose primary occupation now is to be a social media personality.
He was born into money, with a father who was a successful corporate raider before he went to jail for securities and tax law violations. He has about 32 million followers on Instagram (handle your shit, America) where he (somewhat) famously posts pictures of him living a lavish playboy lifestyle. Every image has either naked beautiful women, guns, money, fancy cars and jets, or any combination of those ingredients.
He is, and we cannot stress this enough, is an entitled toolbag, and the fact that so many bottle service douchebags rush over to extol how he is “living the dream” is distressing, stupid, and wrong.
And so, with that being said, here is Johnny’s take on the so-called “King of Instagram.”
Dan Bilzerian Is An Attention-Whoring Douchebag
By Johnny Roosevelt