Tag Archives: Calvin and Hobbes

The Official Looters Guide to Rioting

“The habwasher makes the cranny go boom with the wimflazzle double decker!”

~…Ugh.  Fucking Brits.


We here at AFFotD have firmly established that we are experts in the field of looting.  We assumed that this knowledge would be necessary for the impending apocalypse, and because we’re all hedonistic Satanists who worship the false God of Whiskey (with his disciples, Jim, Jack, and M. Mark) we’re more likely to be left behind than an un-baptized Jewish infant.

Well, leave it to England to prove that humanity is just a barely contained bubbling pot of rage that is one police shooting of a drug dealer away from going fucking nuts.  That’s our bad.  Most good Americans cast aside their “faith in the basic decency of humanity” around the same time they got really into Calvin and Hobbes and decided to Wikipedia the guy the tiger was named after (philosophy joke high five!)

“State of nature, motherfuckers.”

Leave it to the Brits to fuck up the whole thing.  Their idea of looting is burning buses and pummeling the occasional civilian into a comatose pulp.  And yes, they have an idea of what “Looting” is in the same sense that breast-fed infants have an idea what “motor boating” is.

See that?  That’s a bunch of British people who decided to set fire to a SONY warehouse that holds a bunch of CDs and records.  The shit is that?  Looters of London, the world is your oyster, and you have a sledgehammer, so why are you focusing all your efforts on smashing a piece of bread?  Goddamn it, America’s gotta step in again and show you how to do it.  Looks like it’s time for…

AFFotD’s Official Looters Guide to Rioting

 

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Calvin and Hobbes is America’s Greatest Comic Strip

“You’re not American if you didn’t cry at the end of ‘Field of Dreams’ or after reading the last panel of the last Calvin and Hobbes strip.”

~Official AFFotD Employee Manual


It’s a common misconception that comic strips are only meant for children.  Sure, most comics are created with children in mind, but really, the only difference between a sober child and a drunk American is height and reflex time.  And it’s a common consensus that if you ask most Americans what the greatest comic strip of all time is, they’ll either say “Peanuts,” “Calvin and Hobbes” or “No, that’s it, those are the only two acceptable responses.”

Calvin and Hobbes raised a generation of Americans, and helped usher the age of the “Children’s entertainment that was literate and accessible for adults” trend that unfortunately was replaced with “Uhhh what the hell is this trippy shit?”  It ran for only 10 years, which meant it only was around for 1/5 of the time as “Peanuts” but which also meant that it was featured in infinity times less MetLife commercials.  The first Calvin and Hobbes appeared in 1985 when its creator, Bill Watterson, was only 27 years old.

Bill Watterson was able to create two of the most endearing characters in American literary history, and despite the fact that he is a little crazy, he managed to craft an American masterpiece, which many of AFFotD staff members use as influence in their everyday lives.

Here is a list of ways that Calvin and Hobbes has left its indelible mark on American culture.

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