~You, drunkenly, tonight
When you think of America, what comes to mind? Eating junk food? Seven layer bean dips? Drinking copious amounts of beer during a Sunday afternoon? Watching full grown men give each other concussions? Fuck yes! America! Super Bowl! FOOTBALL! FOOOTBALLLLLLLLLLL!
Today is an important day for the alcohol industry, the fledgling bacon loaf industry, and ad executives who trick companies to pay millions of dollars for usually ineffective commercials that, even when they’re good, no one remembers what they advertise. But most of all, today is important…for America.
Today is Super Bowl We-Don’t-Know-What-Roman-Numerals-Mean-Because-I-Mean-Come-On-This-Is-America-Get-Your-Head-Out-Of-Your-Ass,-NFL. Two teams that have names that have been used as insults to people face off, the Robbers versus the Homosexual Innuendos. So to honor these teams, which have a combined 9 Premature Death Trophies between them, America Fun Fact of the Day is here to give you a comprehensive history of the Super Bowl and this year’s contenders of the number one reason for hangover induced sick days of the year.
This is the look of two people who did not remember anything after the first quarter of the previous day’s game. On the plus side, that means they missed having to see the Black Eyed Peas.