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Wherein AFFotD Declares a CULTURE WAR on the Great Nation of Japan

“CULTURE WARRRRRR!”

~American Consumers


If America and Japan were listed in a relationship on facebook (and if they were 15 years old) it would absolutely say “It’s Complicated.”  Japan not only attacked Pearl Harbor, they did so in a way to inspire Michael Bay to make a movie about it, while America got back at them by dropping two atomic bombs on them.  But despite the animosities of the past, Japan has always had a vested interest in Western Culture, and in many ways has tried to emulate and mimic the practices of European and American cultures.

Unfortunately, this is the origin of the phrase, “Goddamn it Japan, you’re doing it wrong!”  When the West started brutally Imperializing other countries, Japan took it to uncomfortable levels by trying to make the Korean language illegal.  When the West started making warplanes, Japan decided to turn them into suicidal fireballs.  When Japan noticed that the West has rounder eyes, they started mutilating themselves to look less Asian.

Thankfully, there’s always been a cultural gap between America and Japan.  While we spend our time trying to find ways to replace bread with fried chicken in sandwich preparation, Japan tries to make steak out of fecal matter.  While we invented the Internet, Japan invented roughly 60% of the creepier porn that goes on it.

However, we at AFFotD have just discovered that Japan might be gearing up for a cultural war with America by doing what America does best without adding tentacles.  It’s a terrifying time for all of us.  These are the stakes.

CULTURE WAR:  Burger King in Japan Tries To Out-America America

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