“Pizza Little Party? Oh man, let’s try to avoid jokes calling Pizza Little Party a Japanese pizza establishment, I’d be so rac…oh God, it’s real, isn’t it?”
~Johnny Roosevelt, Editor-in-Chief of AFFotD
Before we get started, let’s take a deep breath and look at that screenshot. Just, really soak it in. Let it wash over you like a cool stream. This is a thing that exists, that happened in real life, that is currently happening in real life. Don’t let yourself forget that.
For a website that dedicates itself to the Americanness of being American, we sure do seem to talk about Japan a lot. You might wonder, “Why? Why are there more articles about Japanese Doritos on this site than ones about Ben Franklin?” Well, for starters, if you ever tried to write about Ben Franklin’s life, you immediately would come down with a severe case of 18th century syphilis, and we’ve yet to find a writer to volunteer for that (though, come to think of it, we might have a perfect candidate). But secondly, Japan takes American ideals but then warps them in fascinating, terrifying ways, and we hope that maybe, just maybe, by showing them the craziness of their ways they might take things down a notch and start embracing a more normally (read as, “less tentacles”) American way of life.
You’re right. It’s futile. They’re too far gone to be saved. Just look at how they do pizza chains.
Goddamn it Japan, You’re Doing it Wrong: The Pizza Little Party Pizzeria