Tag Archives: Avery’s

America’s Grossest Soda Pops

“*A constant horrifying stream of vomit*”

~American Soda drinkers

 the hell is this soda

America loves soft drinks so much that every region tries to call it something else.  Depending on your upbringing, you’ve spent your whole life drinking soda, pop, coke, soda pop, or fizzy drinks.  Some of you even grew up enjoying “plain flavored carbonated beverages” but that’s just because you were home schooled, and your parents were too embarrassed to tell you they had tricked you into liking seltzer water.  While carbonated water, the backbone of the soda industry, was first developed in 1767 by Joseph Priestley in, alas, England, America has long since used pop to fatten up our kids while keeping them obnoxiously hyperactive, with soda being available commercially stateside as early as 1806.

Pop is a part of our everyday life.  The average American drinks almost 45 gallons of soft drinks every year.  That sounds even more impressive when you realize that we only average 20 gallons of beer annually, so clearly someone must be doing something right in the R&D departments of old Coca-Cola and PepsiCo.  We love our colas, our lemon-lime pops, hell, we even drink Mountain Dew.  And while there are dozens, if not hundreds, of delicious sodas available at the nearest convenience to act as mixers for all sorts of deserving hard alcohols, there are some companies that, either on purpose or by terrible, terrible accident, make pop that is so repellant that even the Japanese have to take a step back and go, “Goddamn it America, you’re doing it wrong!”

Now’s the time to reflect and think about what you’ve done.  Because some of you out there have drank these sodas.  Willingly.  Ye Gods.

America’s Grossest Soda Pops

 crystal pepsi

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