“Did you clear this with us? NO! Don’t TALK about that shit on our dollar! Now smear this makeup on and sexy dance for us, there’s a nickel in it for you.”
We’re always on the lookout for new and exciting technologies in the area of culinary “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU EATING PUT THAT DOWN JESUS CHRIST.” Why do we remain so vigilant about discussing America’s most unhealthy foods with you, the vigilant American reader who no doubt had the fortitude to put in a bomb shelter in the 1960s? Is it because fatty food tastes fucking delicious? Sure. Is it due to our longstanding feud with the American Heart Association ever since they decided not to endorse our “Whipped Cream Cannon”? Mayyyybe. But the fact that Wendy’s has been paying us to write about unhealthy food might have something to do with it. That’s why we’re here to install another segment of Wendy’s Presents America Fun Fact of the Day! They make us tell them our deepest, most embarrassing secrets so we can feed their hollow, hollow laughter! The pain will never go away! Wendy’s!
It was our own fault for trying to get our ad revenue from a craigslist ad…